So Many Layers

It's My Passion

2012-01-26T23:24:00.000-07:00

It's been a very long time.

Life has been busy (but also pretty darn good).

Long ago I named my blog "So Many Layers" because there are so very many things I like to do and so many different parts of me. As far as hobbies go, I do like to draw, paint, craft, sing, read, garden, play racquetball (and other sports), do hair, cook occasionally, play board/card games, organize, decorate and do plenty of other things.

Yet,

I've known for quite some time that my true passion is in woodworking and doing-it-myself type stuff for the home - turning a space into something functional and pretty. If I do read blogs, they usually are that of someone who has mad DIY skills and whose style I love. I've been a bit inspired lately by Sandra and Ana White and I'm finally moving forward with a project I've been mulling over since we moved in.

Pictures to come.

P.S. Since I last blogged it seems that Blogger has really improved their interface. Hooray!

The Close of Summer

2011-08-19T23:56:00.000-06:00

I've had a few people ask me what we've done this summer. So....I went through some of my pictures and chose random ones as a sampling for you. Many of these deserve full posts of their own (like the yard), but I'm pretty proud of myself for posting at all. :)

Cub Scout Camp. Daniel and I are Cubmasters. (Technically, I'm the assistant.) And I know it's really hard to see the resembelance between Adam and I.

I made a bed frame. It has a mattress now and some awesome bedding. Maybe I'll show you sometime.

We swam lots in our backyard pool. (This pic is of the first time.)

Some people in our neighborhood threw a crazy awesome children's parade on the 4th complete with firetruck spraying down the whole street.

Our backyard was finished.

We went to the Draper Amphitheatre a few times.

Isaac has his first scout over-nighter. That kid is growing up.

We visited a friend's honey operation in Mendon (by Logan). I took that photo that I plan to paint sometime.

We had a few backyard barbeques, including one night were I got to stay up with some of my siblings and play games. So fun!

We saw this turtle in Snow Canyon while on a very short trip to St. George.

Sarah started gymnastics.

We saw new things during the Parade of Homes.

We had a extended family reunion. This is me with my two sisters, Lynea and Leslie at said reunion. Lynea and her family just finished the transition from Seattle to Kamas. I visited her in Kamas today.

This summer has been good and full. I swear my life is only getting busier as my kids grow. For some reason I had this notion that it would slow down. So not true!

One Year

2011-07-10T22:35:00.000-06:00

Today marks the one-year anniversary of our time in this house.

(taken last year)

It's a good place for us. :)

I Let Some Plants Die

2011-06-27T22:52:00.002-06:00

Alternate Title: Imperfection
The close of this day come on the heels of my previous happy sunshiny post. (See below.)

I was determined to fill the darn pool with water today. I really tried to get to that point, but it turns out that it isn't leveled well, it needs to be turned, and it needs to be fully drained to accomplish all of that.  Fail.

Somehow I didn't think through every single step on the headboard I've been working on.  Let's just say I've learned some things I would not choose to do over again. It's still not up and it's never going to look like what I envisioned. Enough said.

I have currently let 12 white petunias, 1 salvia, and 1 hydrangea plant die. I didn't plant them in a timely matter, though I had the best of intentions. Each time I walk by I think about how I failed these once beautiful plants.

I could keep going, but the fact is that sometimes I do well and sometimes I don't.  In fact, I often fall short...as a mother, wife, friend, sister, daughter, housekeeper, cook, follower of Christ, or any other title I might hold. It's humbling.

A friend sent me a link today. I posted it on Facebook and thought I'd share it here (even though it doesn't completely relate to this blog post). The whole clip is pretty good, but I really like the last quote in it.

"Life is perfect for none of us. Rather than being judgmental and critical of each other, may we have the pure love of Christ for our fellow travelers in this journey through life." President Thomas S. Monson

It reminds me that no one has to be perfect. Not me. Not you. Isn't that fantastic?

Dear Blog,

2011-06-27T15:02:00.005-06:00

If I don't post soon,
I'm going to miss the month of June.

But you see, life is busy. Life is full. I have things I could be doing all the time.

Today is a glorious sunshiny happy day.

For the first time in a while I took some hours to do something other than working on my to-do list. I went to visit Lynea in Sugarhouse (where she is staying temporarily). I only did this because she called and asked me too, but still, I went. It made me realize how all consuming the life I've made for myself is and that I've lot some of my spontaneity. Don't get me wrong, I am super happy right now - I'm just focused. There are so many things I'd like to do and accomplish and be and most of those things happen right here, at home.

Life is good. We're adjusting to Daniel working from home and we love it. Our yard is pretty much done. The neighbors are fantastic. (There are more people here than you could ever possibly get to know.) The kids are making friends. We are blessed.

When I left you last...

2011-05-24T21:43:00.006-06:00

...the patio had been torn out.

Then the windows were dug out.

Our crumpled window wells.

The weeds got cleared. Wahoo!

Work on the second tier on the patio wall.

Progress on the future basement entrance.

Prepping for concrete.

The basement entrance nearly done.

We got really handy with the inverted-nozzle spray paint gun. I looooove that thing! I should have taken a picture of it. It was a highlight of the backyard project.

Backyard Demolition

2011-05-05T16:11:00.006-06:00

To say that the last day and a half have been a little crazy is an understatement. Yesterday at lunchtime, the company we decided to have do our backyard (just last week) called and because of some scheduling needs asked if they could get started right away. I said sure! They arrived less than an hour later and definitely got started.

The first thing for them to do was to break apart the paver walls that weren't staying. They had been glued together by the previous homeowner, but they were able to salvage almost all of them! There is another paver wall almost built as I'm writing this. I'll show that in my next post.

This is the patio before:

We decided in the end to break out the whole thing for a few reasons. First, see the level of the yard? Those window wells should not be concreted in. Also, The patio shape didn't seem to fit the yard and the stairs had no landing at the top (not to code). We are planning to add a basement door at some point too.

The next few pictures are of the patio being demolished. 15 min and everything but the stairs was out.

A couple hours later and the stairs were out. The massive stairs.

And last night we had this:

And this....their access to our backyard. :)

Easter

2011-04-24T14:37:00.004-06:00

I'm Alive

2011-03-08T09:48:00.004-07:00

Here's proof:

My attempt to spend less time on my computer translates into less posts on my blog. I haven't forgotten about it though. In fact, I have so many small projects to show and the big ones are just around the corner.

The last few weeks have been better around here. I've pulled out of my funk for the most part. I'm productive again. My days are busy, but good.

I feel like making a list.

Here's the list:

-The Cub Scout Blue and Gold Banquet and the Pinewood Derby are now DONE.....and I would consider them a success.

-The time I am on the computer is spent oogling over home project ideas.

-My back and arm hurt me when I sit at said computer due to my desk/chair combination.

-I bought new bookcases for my front room that I'm really liking.

-Adam's room is re-rearranged and working much better.

-The garage is mostly organized!!!

-I have to tackle the basement before I'll let myself start a molding project.

-I'm dying to do more paintings.

-Daniel will be working from home starting in June. (I don't know if I've mentioned this?)

-Isaac and I went jogging twice last week. The snow is holding us up right now.

-I got a one-year membership to Gold's Gym which is not remotely close to me. Some girls from my neighborhood teach/go there though. One plays racquetball.

-This week I'm teaching a Junior Achievement unit in Isaac's class about financial institutions. Did you know why President Andrew Jackson strongly opposed the second bank of the US? I do. :)

-We need to start work on our yard. I'm dragging my feet. Can you say overwhelming??!

-Lynea's (my sister) house is for sale. She should be coming to Utah soon-ish..... :)

-I'm out of ideas for this list and I've got to go shower.

:)

Finding the New Normal?

2011-02-07T18:30:00.007-07:00

I knew I hadn't posted in a while, but I didn't realize how long. A comment from Nicole has been rattling around in my head and made me think I should not continue to neglect my blog.

You see, December was more than I could handle gracefully and January was the aftermath. It's February now and I'm trying to get into a sustainable groove. Life has considerably slowed down, for which I am grateful, but now I'm left with trying to figure out what to add back in to my schedule and which items really should be left out.

This winter weather has been hard for me. The darkness of the sky coupled with the darkness of my wood shutters has led to a lot of discouraging days. I am making my best efforts to pick myself up and be my best self. It's hard. Oh my, it's so hard.

I've done a few projects and have good intentions of posting them here. Maybe it will happen yet. Isaac's room is nearly complete. Sarah's is pink, though not a pink I like. I've finally organized my messy kitchen drawers. Things are ever so slowly coming along. I've got big plans in my head. We'll see which of them really happen. Our yard is one huge thing to be tackled...hopefully starting this spring.

So that's how things are here. FYI, I haven't been reading other people's blogs at all. I sort of holed up to recover. We'll see how much of that I add back in...

2010-12-20T22:33:00.004-07:00

Consider yourself invited.

I doubt you will be disappointed if you come; we've worked hard.

The performance will be dedicated to Mike and Jill Bearden and family.

December

2010-12-20T22:17:00.003-07:00

To say this month has just been busy would be an understatement. At times it has been completely unmanageable.

Much of the craziness has been this:

Voices. The 10 woman choir I've been singing with. (This is us at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building.) We've already had 20+ performances and have 2 more. We will be singing at the North Visitor's center on Temple square on Dec. 23rd at 7:00pm and also doing a Friends and Family Performance on Sunday the 26th. I'll post the invite.

But on my mind tonight is heartbreaking news of the loss of a friend's baby. I knew both Mike and Jill in college and sang in the Institute choir with them. Mike is in Voicemale. They have always been wonderful people. Jill was the one that connected me with Voices, but did not sing in it herself this season because of her pregnancy. I just saw them last week as happy as ever and now they are dealing with tragedy. My heart is breaking for them.

Gratitude

2010-11-21T22:51:00.002-07:00

I've been forgetting that I even have a blog, but I should pay it some attention today since I mentioned it in my talk. More specifically, I mentioned a list I made on my sidebar two years ago about little things I was grateful for.

Daniel and I both gave talks in church today on Gratitude. I think it went pretty well and I will put it in my talk archive in case we ever get asked to do one on the exact same topic. (I can hope, right?)

Anyhow, one of the things I spoke about was this list of ideas to show gratitude that I found in the Young Women's manual. I thought it was entertaining, so I thought I'd post it here for you reading pleasure. This is from the lesson entitled "Gratitude and Apreciation".

• 1. Write a note—Make it short, and if you like, use a little art work. It needn’t be on fancy stationery; why not a square of colored construction paper cut with pinking shears? Without being mushy or insincere, pen a happy line of thanks. … Use the postman for deliveries, then you’re not around when it’s read.

• “2. Do a favor—This is a subtle way—good to use with your best friend or your parents. It takes an understanding heart to recognize this as a ‘thank you.’ Rise half an hour early and polish your dad’s shoes. … Or make fudge to give the boy who helped haul scenery for the class play.

• “3. A telephone call—Make it on the first impulse, then it’s the most effective. Don’t feel embarrassed, just be sure you let the fella or gal on the other end of the line feel your gratitude. …

• “4. A happy look—How nice to show appreciation in your face—a quick and ready smile, shining eyes, a warm look. To many folks this is the best thanks of all—and can be a secret communication between you and the person you’re thanking. It involves no stammering, no self-consciousness.

• “5. A gift or treat—And it needn’t be expensive! Tuck a candy bar in your kid brother’s sock drawer for his letting you use his ball point. Dangle some candy kisses from your sis’s tennis racket before putting it back in her closet. Stick four pieces of gum in your chum’s science book—when you return it” (Winnifred C. Jardine, “Thanks a Million,” Improvement Era, Sept. 1960, “Era of Youth” section).

• 6. Rock painting—Go rock hunting, and find flat ones, pretty ones, and smooth ones. These are just right to draw a picture on and give thanks to someone for being such a big help.

I've got to go find me a lot of rocks. I've got a lot to be grateful for. :)

Busy, Busy, Busy.

2010-11-10T23:53:00.002-07:00

My sister just emailed me and pointed out that I hadn't blogged in a while OR called her. In fact, I haven't spoken to many people at all! My life has been going full tilt and I have very little downtime.

But I do need to say how grateful I am to feel happy. My house is awesome, my neighborhood is super, the kids are doing great in school, we're healthy....we're just busy.

I am anxious about December. The choir I'm singing in has 18 or so scheduled performances. I'm not sure how it's all going to go down.

I do have lots of pictures to post (including Isaac's room), but they're going to have to wait. I'm just too busy...

GNO in Honor of My Birthday!

2010-10-20T12:18:00.004-06:00

Over the UEA weekend we went on a trip (which I will hopefully post about soon). While gone, my birthday happened. When you're in the middle of nowhere it's very difficult to conjure up that festive birthday feeling. So....

Tomorrow (Thursday) night I'm going to do something about that and celebrate with a girls' night out. Dinner @ 7:00pm (at either the Olive Garden or Sweet Tomatoes in the Southetowne area) and ???? with the girls. You are welcome and invited to come if any of the following apply to you:

*You like me (actually this a requirement).
*You desperately need to get out of your house and/or away from your children.
*You have been waiting on the edge of your seat for me to post on my blog more.
*You need new friends.
*You have been hoping for an opportunity to shower me with compliments.
*You've been looking for a way to tell me you've been reading my blog but never comment so I don't know you're there. Ha!

Let me know! :)

Little Girls' Hair

2010-10-13T22:26:00.004-06:00

A quick post tonight:

I have finally admitted to myself how my I like to do hair. Little girls' hair to be exact. I have found some great blogs that give me lots of ideas. (Like this one http://www.girlydohairstyles.com/)

So here's a few pictures...

The next ones are really just because she's cute. :) Oh, and she covered herself in stickers.

The following one and the one after that are based on the hairstyle called "Got time?". There's a reason for that. It. Takes. Forever. However it lasted for three days. When you have that many elastics in your hair, it's not going anywhere.

I curled the bottom on one of the days.

Isn't this next one so cool? This is Sarah's dear friend. She didn't even complain once while I was doing it.

Be careful sending a little girl to my house. I just might do her hair!

Come to think of it, they don't even have to be little girls.

Life has been busy

2010-10-10T23:11:00.002-06:00

I have pictures to post. Lots. But I've been busy.

Isaac's room is coming along, albeit with huge holding periods.

Every night that I've sat down to look at my calendar, I feel anxious. I feel like shutting down, like my calendar is too full. It's not though. It really is doable. I think I'm the weak link here. And that causes me anxiety.

Life is good. Quite good in fact. Yet sometimes I just feel like it's getting away from me.

And I'm starting sentences with 'and' and 'but' and I'm rambling. If this is what I allow to come out, just imagine what it's like inside my head.

P.S. Nea, I haven't forgotten that you want me to post. Sorry. I will. Soon. Hopefully.

Forward Progress?

2010-09-19T21:26:00.003-06:00

I should have pictures of this, but I don't.

In the 45 min. Daniel and I were at choir practice this morning the kids built a fort. Not just any fort...a gigantic fort...or as Isaac declared "The biggest fort anyone ever built." They were excited about it so they couldn't fully understand why I wasn't. There was much complaining when I said it would need to be cleaned up by the end of the night.

The evening wore on and one child felt sick and could not help with clean up. Oh, and what a clean up it was! Once the 15 or so blankets came down we realized they had used things from every corner of the house. I was not happy.

Somedays as a mom it seems like I take one step forward and two steps back.

Anxiety and a Busy Week

2010-09-18T22:37:00.005-06:00

I was just looking back through pictures and realized how full this week has been.

Visiting friend and projects.

Utah State Fair.

Piano recital for both boys. (Adam's first.)

Grant Elementary Carnival. (Fun, but I'm still feeling phantom stress.)

Marisa's (my niece) birthday party. Always amazing.

Not shown in pictures are many other things that made this one crazy week.

So as I sit here tonight, I've been thinking about what's on my plate for the coming weeks.

For church alone, I have some things for an upcoming Super Saturday to accomplish, a lesson I just got asked to teach that I haven't looked at, choir in the morning, AND something looming yet undefined that I'll mention later.

This next week there is a new playgroup for Sarah, a birthday party, my first time of volunteering in Adam's classroom, a pottery class for Adam, choir (the little one I joined, a big time commitment in my life right now), a mandatory 2-hr church meeting, the CIRCUS (yay), the school jog-a-thon, RS broadcast, a boy's room in desperate need of progress, and more!

Tonight my table looks like this as I scratch my head trying to narrow down the Super Saturday choices:

And my desk looks like this:

Messy. Full calendar. Yuck!

It's times like these that I wonder if I don't deal with stress correctly.

Isaac's room remodel I

2010-09-17T15:55:00.006-06:00

I have tried so hard to fix the formatting on this post. I realized my frustrations with blogger are a big part of the reason I don't post much. Anyhow, the captions don't line up with the correct pictures. See if you can figure it out...

The room that was best for Isaac in this house happens to have been previously done in a "cowboy" theme. Fine for a young boy, but not for one about to turn 11. I have decided to focus on Isaac's room since his birthday is fast approaching.

After much deliberating, I decided to take down both the paneling and the molding. It was not paintable and not quite something I could work with.

Here are two pictures from before we moved in:

Clean always looks better than dirty, so here's a few pictures from the first few weeks in the house:

Isaac had his dresser already, so we got him a bedframe to match and used the old guest room mattreses.

Everything coming down. Lots and lots of repair work to follow.

Our New Kitchen Table

2010-09-10T23:48:00.003-06:00

So I been thinking about blogging, every day, many times a day. I have SO many things to blog about. However, by the time night rolls around...I'm tired and worn out.

I promised myself I would post something tonight. It's almost midnight.

You see, I have this dream of posting all of my projects on here. I LOVE to see others projects and would like to keep tabs on my own. And boy have I begun projects....

But tonight, you just get a picture of our new table. That yellowish table just had to go (downstairs).

So here's before:

And after:

The new table is awesome. I'm so happy with the choice.

First Day of School

2010-08-25T20:01:00.003-06:00

Sarah started last week...

....and is in heaven.

The boys started on Monday. (Yes, I see the pole in Adam's head.)

It's a big school. It's different. It's going to be just great, but it's hard to be new. The kids are working on making friends. I asked Isaac what it was like to go to a new school and he said "It's just like going to preschool, but everyone else already knows each other."

On another note, I don't like living in a disorganized messy house; it contributes to me being discouraged. When I'm discouraged, I don't have the motivation to organize and clean. When I don't have motivation, nothing progresses much and I feel overwhelmed. When I feel utterly overwhelmed I have one of my bi-annual breakdowns. And that breakdown was tonight. Awesome.

Glum

2010-08-11T12:26:00.004-06:00

So I think I'm....(just a moment while I check a thesaurus and look up a milder version of the word depressed - or at least a less used one)....discouraged, drained, debilitated, sad, weary, melancholy, in the blue funk, and glum. I would like to be cheery, encouraged, excited, and happy. Sure I've had good days, but I've noticed that the general pattern is trending down.

I KNOW there is LOTS to be happy about, but in my twisted way of thinking I'm finding myself focusing on smaller bothersome things rather than the big picture. I'm finding it tricky to navigate all of the relationships in my life, both old and new. I'm having lots of days left up to my discretion which opens the door for my ineffectiveness and lack of motivation.

I know that I am still mourning the loss of my old life and home. It's so hard for me to go back there and see the house that the new owner is making changes to or to talk to people that still run in those circles. I've considered that there may be some things that would be easier about moving far away and not having the chance to go back. I did need to go into the old school this week to get my hands on a report card that hadn't made it to me. But after? I sat in the car and cried. That is something that's hard for me to leave.

I know there is joy ahead of us here and I would make the same decision again. I'm excited about so many things and I have met loads of wonderful people, but transition is hard.
I imagine it will just take time.

Ugh. Blogger.

2010-08-07T00:24:00.004-06:00

So my title is missing for a time. I can work around blogger's annoying tendencies when I have more peace, quiet, patience, motivation, and blog love.

Is anyone out there? Well, I take that back. I know you are. I look at my blog traffic on occasion, but it's so creepy to know that people look and never comment. I feel waaay more inspired to post if I feel like anyone is really interested in seeing it. I haven't even put pics up of my house yet! I have little idea of who reads this. Actually, I take that back too. I went to a baby shower in the old neighborhood last week and had a few people comment on my last post (the morning following when I put it up late at night). It was weird because I didn't realize they were looking. I don't mind much since my blog is public, but man I love comments.

Okay, so it's LATE at night and I've had a good (could have been fantastic if the kids had been a bit better behaved) but long day. I'm a little loopy and tired of trying to figure out what to do about my blog. Probably not the best time to put up a post. I'm really not needy, just busy so I have to decide where to put my time - blog or house? :)

On another note, do you know I'm really falling in love my new house? Like really? Yep. More each day. This week I feel a *bit* more settled.

Oh, also, Lynea made a surprise visit from Seattle this week. So unexpected and fun. I'm sure I've forgotten some things I was supposed to do or phone calls I was supposed to return and stuff like that, but it was worth it.

Serendipity

2010-07-30T22:45:00.008-06:00

ser·en·dip·i·ty n. pl. ser·en·dip·i·ties
1. Making fortunate discoveries by accident.

In the spring of each year of our marraige we've had pictures taken. I've had a terrible time as of late making appointments and spending money so spring had come and gone. Yet I was determined not to let a year go.

Some friends from the old neighborhood had their pictures done at a new place called FotoFly right here in Draper, then I saw the ads and then I found out that my new neighbors personally know the people who are starting the business. Last night I finally got to it and called to make my appointment (for today). While I was doing that the girl I was speaking to (who happens to be the owners wife and didn't even know I was personally interested in photography) mentioned that there was a workshop for free at the studio in about an hour. I got to go to the workshop and have a great night where the owner filled in a lot of gaps in my knowledge. I felt very fortunate to have stumbled upon it.

Today we went to the same place for family pictures and aside from my children that I could have strangled, the experience was one of the best photo shoots we've had. Everyone was very patient and understanding.

Honestly though, I can't get over how well designed the studio is. They've used every inch of that small space so well. I found myself wishing I could have been the creative genius behind it. Who would have thought to paint the exit door in grafitti? Seriously it's worth going there just to see the space.

Anyhow, taking into consideration the children who were uncoorperative, we got some shots I've very happy with. (Tonight I'm having a hard time getting many of them posted tonight though, so I'll try again with more of them when I'm not so worn down.)

Here are a few...

FotoFly charges $79 for a disc with your images. Prints are $4 if you want to print them there. I left with my disc and photos in hand. I think it's a brilliant business idea and hope they do really well.

P.S. Above I linked to their website, but this is their blog. That is one cute little boy. It's a little funny that Daniel and I had commented on how cool their bathroom was.

The End

2010-07-20T23:20:00.005-06:00

It's final. We have the money. The house is no longer ours and someone else is going to live in it.

We are so so grateful. Grateful that it sold. Grateful for our new home. Grateful for all of the people who have helped us during this time. Thank you.

Progress

2010-07-16T17:04:00.004-06:00

There's nothing like a friend calling you and saying they want to come see your house to kick it into high gear. In 1 1/2 hours I managed to accomplish way more than all of yesterday combined. Here is a pic of the progress:

Did you see that? Yep, that's countertop there. Want a closer picture?

It amazing what a clean(er) kitchen can do for you. (Don't mind the rugs - we're trying to get used to the wood and not getting it too wet while at the same time trying to encourage the boys to load the dishwasher.) Oh, and don't you think I need a new garbage can?!!

P.S. Make that 7 times for Sarah.

And Here We Are

2010-07-15T21:58:00.013-06:00

If these photos don't evoke any emotion, it could be that you've never moved.

Our kitchen of days past. Empty and ready for someone else.

Our new kitchen in its current state. Only one word suffices:

Overwhelming.

I've been waiting for this moment when I could finally write about this journey. But blogging about it takes time, a computer, the internet, and energy. Now I'm just lacking the last, but I'm going to push through it anyway.

Saturday. There was so much work leading up to this day and the big move went as well as I could have hoped. We are so grateful for everyone that helped. Asking people to come to your home and do serious hard labor for a long time is not fun, so we were incredibly thankful for everyone who gave up time in their day to help us! By about 4pm we had everything moved over and a place to sleep. Then I went into a coma for the rest of the day.

Sunday. What to say about Sunday? I felt displaced, yet hopeful. I woke up early, restless and then spent much of the morning trying to locate what we'd need for our new 1pm church. (Never have I been more grateful for a late time.) The kids did not help the situation much which plenty of drama and crying. We went to church. There were a lot of kids. 140 or so in the primary we found out. I was anxious. Lots of people I didn't know. Luckily we'd already met a few neighbors which helped, yet this is the first time in a long time that I've been the new one. But overall it was just fine and there are lots of nice people to get to know. In the evening we went to Kaitlyn's birthday party and then stopped by the old house. There is nothing like the comfort you find at home and I definitely needed comfort, but it wasn't quite my home anymore. So I promptly had a good hard cry in the back yard where the kids couldn't hear me.

Monday. While I think Michelle is awesome and I'm glad for the opportunity for my son to go to Webelos camp, I would not recommend it being the first weekday after a move. At 7:45am. In another city. And having to attend yourself. And have all the kids ready. Including swimming suits, packed lunches, scout gear, and sunscreen. Only running 15 min late, we made it and had lots of good experiences throughout the day, except for the times when the child who had held it together better than anyone all weekend melted down. The evening wasn't much better.

Tuesday: Second day of Webelos camp. I didn't have to go but instead got to have fun cleaning the old house..for 7 hours...and I didn't finish. I described the task on the phone to Daniel by comparing in to having teeth pulled. Necessary, but terribly unpleasant. (Thank you to Lora for one of the best vacuuming jobs I've seen.) I ended the time at the old house with a monumental fit of my own when I got upset at the child who after playing ALL day complained about having to roll the two garbages into the backyard. The night however, redeemed the whole day when I got to go out for some fun with women from my new ward.

Wednesday: Closing day? We drove out to West Valley and signed the closing papers on the old house. Just as we were about to leave the building however, our realtor got a call saying that there was a problem with the loan of our buyer and he had to switch loans (at the very, very last minute) and at best closing would be delayed until Monday. We had to wait while another addendum (13?) was crafted. After much of the day had passed we returned to the old house and I go to finish the cleaning! Ugh. I did complete every last little bit though and hope this whole process is wrapped up soon.

Today: Remembered piano lessons were this morning and didn't feel up to taking Isaac and having to have Adam and Sarah with me. Instead I had Isaac babysit and took Adam. His first official day and he did awesome. Very awesome. Sadly that was the best part of the day. I've spent the rest of it stressed, confused, overwhelmed and discouraged. But I did get my computer and internet back, so that's worth something.

So what above might not tell you is this:

This has been a crazy emotional week that has continually pushed my past my exhaustion point and my ability to manage in a sane, normal way.

The kids are happy about the change, but their behaviour has been far less than ideal.

Speaking of which, Sarah has peed (outside of the potty) 6 times in the last week. This is the girl who potty-trained like a pro and has more body control that any other kids I know. Stress will do that to you I guess.

I have not peed outside of the potty. Maybe I am doing okay after all.

So far I don't miss the old house quite as much as I thought I would. (Probably because I thought I'd never recover from the loss of it.) It's sad (and I already miss the people), but I'm handling it decently.

This new house is AWESOME. I'm in love. The space, the wood, the location, the neighbors.

Did I mention the neighbors? I could write a whole blog post about them. We are so lucky to be right were we are. There are the best people in this little area. I also met lots of other women in the ward boundaries and I think it's going to work out just great here.

Draper is gorgeous. Really. The mountains are so close here.

The unpacking and settling in might take me a year, but so be it. We have many little things to address (and so many big ones, like the back yard), but we will make it to a new normal here soon,

right?

Here We Go!

2010-07-07T08:03:00.003-06:00

Isaac is sick (as in throwing up). Sarah peed on my stairs (?!). I feel mediocre at best. My guests and other family just left yesterday afternoon. The new house still needs cleaning. We are crippled by our need for boxes. The big move is in just three days.

We willing be loading the truck starting at 10:00am this Saturday morning. (Everyone is welcome and encouraged to come. Treats will be provided.) Wish us luck!

4am

2010-06-28T03:57:00.003-06:00

I lie awake watching the fan go 'round willing the night to quiet itself as my thoughts tumble over each other. I look at my husband sleeping beside me, the dear man that loves me. I think of my children dreaming in their beds...healthy, happy, safe. And we are not alone. My brother closest in age, his wife and child sleep here under our roof tonight. I am overcome as I think of this abundance in my life, the richness which surrounds me.

All of my brothers and sisters are near for the wedding. All of my parents and nieces and nephews too. People who have seen me through life. Ones I love. My heart is full.

The day arrives quickly. Someone comes to inspect and critique and pick at my home too soon. This home that has held my family tightly in its embrace for just more than 10 overflowing years. This home that has been a haven for me and my dearest people. Yet someone wishes to know everything that ever has or hasn't worked, everything and anything that could possibly be broken and it tugs at me. I want to shout out "Love this home!", it offers a place of refuge and comfort. In it you will find some of the greatest joys and perhaps sorrows too, but it will be home. The only one like it. Care for it, love it and it will give back to you.

Does it really have to be this much work?

2010-06-25T22:41:00.003-06:00

I want to blog. I really do, but my head seems to be on backwards and there are plenty of other things that need doing.

I'd like to talk about how CRAZY stressful last week was. How on Thursday we closed on the new house, how Friday was Daniel's deadline (years in the coming), and how on Saturday we went under contract on this house.

I'd like to write about all the funny things my kids are doing. Also about the complaining that inevitably comes with summer. I'd like to write about all of our "lasts" here, but that would make me sad.

Yet, I just realized that I should probably not write much about anything and instead get to work. This is a monster of a project...this moving thing. I honestly have been pretending it wasn't going to be, until this evening when I realized the scope of it all. I now feel incapacitated by the sheer amount of work that awaits. Aaaaaaaaaaaaack!

FYI, the inspection is Monday morning at 8:30. It is scheduled for 3.5 hrs. Wish us luck.

Conflict

2010-06-16T23:36:00.004-06:00

I read something the other day about the conflicting emotions of moving (and selling in our case). On one hand it's new and exciting and promising. Yet on the other it's sad and scary and unknown. That's how things are around here. A big jumbled bag of emotions.

Bittersweet.

But add to the bag that my dear friend Kerri's brother passed away last week and my heart and head don't know what to feel anymore.

Mmmmmmm.

2010-05-23T22:28:00.006-06:00

I am proud of myself for using what I have!

Tonight I made a salad using the lettuce, nectarines (I don't think they're peaches anymore, even if they are a bit fuzzy), strawberries, tomatoes, cucumbers and some (candied) pecans we had. We ate oranges and bananas on the side.

We drained and cracked open the coconut and shredded the meat. It was so hard! But for dessert we make Hello Dolly Bars with the fruit of our labors. Everyone helped and had a good time.

Everyone laughed when we played "I spy with my little eye". It's fun to watch a three-year-old attempt to play it. I wish we had more nights like tonight!

Bountiful Baskets

2010-05-22T23:33:00.004-06:00

Today I tried Bountiful Baskets, a local food co-op, for the first time. I had to drive to Daybreak at 8:30 this morning. The truck was running late and due to the recital I couldn't come back at the later time. A nice stranger lady took pity on me and offered to get it for me. After a crazy day I picked it up this evening from her.

I love it! Take a look at what I got for $15.

1 head romaine
7 tomatoes
1 coconut
2 large cucumbers
1 pound small carrots
1 pint strawberries (some were bad)
6 oz blackberries
4 small yellow squash
10 small peaches
8 bananas
4 avocados
11 granny smith apples
3 large oranges

Sarah First Dance Recital

2010-05-22T23:20:00.004-06:00

It was a joy to go to Sarah's recital today. She loved it and we loved it. She danced too! (We weren't sure if she was going to get scared.) This last week she has seemed to be more comfortable dancing for us and others, so I was hopeful. On our way there she asked if there would be a lot of people. I told her yes and she said "That will be fun." At the end of the night she was asking when she could do it again. It was so fun! Oh, and she was super cute too.

(At the bottom are pictures of Sarah with her teacher, Miss Celeste, and Kaitlyn. The formatting got a bit messed up in this post.)

Upheaval

2010-05-21T23:10:00.004-06:00

I see the beginning of it. I keep reminding myself that I wanted this.

I've been comfortable. More comfortable than I realized.

I knew it was time for me to stretch and grow...and I think I'm ready.

But I have to admit that amidst my excitement is

bit

fear.

Soccer

2010-05-20T21:36:00.003-06:00

The weather was glorious today. It was also the last day of soccer games. We had great coaches and a great experience overall this season.

But I'm still looking forward to summer. Just a dance recital to go and we'll be mostly done with extra-curicular activities.

Peas

2010-05-19T20:38:00.003-06:00

Sarah has never liked peas. In fact none of our kids do.

The typical requirement at our house is that you have to at least eat as many peas as you are old. So, Sarah had to eat 3. 3 tiny little peas. She had squished 6 or 7 already so I gave her three new ones, yet she was deteremined not to comply. To help put it in perspective for her, I asked her if she would rather eat her 3 peas or the rest of the bowl of peas...

She chose the rest of the bowl. She then preceded to eat 5 or 6 large bites of peas while we all howled with laughter. Ah, the joys of a three year old.

There's a wedding in my family...

2010-05-19T11:51:00.004-06:00

My niece Krystine is getting married next month. I'm so excited for her. I had the opportunity to do her engagement pictures too. So here's some for you viewing pleasure.

We've been busy...

2010-05-19T11:24:00.003-06:00

Mother's Day

I know I haven't blogged in a while. Stuff has been happening. As most people know, our house is for sale. The home that we have loved so dearly and thought we might never leave. It's been a rollercoaster few weeks, but I don't wish to talk about that much. It seems that's what I have to think about most of the time right now. But let's pretend that's not the case and think about some simpler, non-life changing events, shall we?

Life keeps rolling along. The kids have had lots of activities including soccer and a science class for both the boys, piano recitals for Isaac, and dance for Sarah.

She's not too thrilled about the feel of her costume yet, but we all think it's cute.

School is nearing it's end for the year. The thing I look forward to the most is not having to be as responsible....not needing to check backpacks and sign papers and make sure projects and reading get done. The summers of full of time to just worry about our little family. I know that the kids get bored and all, but I say....bring on summer!! (I think.)

Want To See Some of the Engagement Shots I Just Did?

2010-04-26T12:10:00.006-06:00

Blogger doesn't do some of these pics justice. I just realized I didn't edit one at all.
As for the editing styles...I'm just trying out different things.

Picture a Day

2010-03-20T23:34:00.004-06:00

Mar 19, Driving by the Draper temple while on an actual date with my husband.

Mar 20, Daniel had been showing the itouch (borrowed for work to show how awesome it is that you can see your security camera video from anywhere) to Adam and Sarah for a few minutes and seeing as how I am trying to capture more interactions of my family in pictures I went off to find my camera. At the very moment I got back and ready to take a picture, someone (who will not be named) got slightly upset about the something and tried to leave the picture. Goodbye family moment!

Picture a Day

2010-03-19T14:52:00.007-06:00

Mar 2, See Sarah's toy set-up behind her?

Mar 5, The kid's books, though I just read Leven Thumps.

Mar 6, Sarah doesn't want to pose for pictures anymore. Above and below are what she did when I asked her to smile.

Mar 7, This photo is to commemorate Daniel running the dishwasher.

Mar 8, While shopping for suits for his baptism at Target, I noticed what Adam was currently wearing and realized he did not look like a child that had a very involved mother. He was sporting an old hand-me-down khaki and green t-shirt, red track pants with a gigantic hole in the knee, and these lovely blue shoes. Needless to say, the shoes and pants are now in the garbage.

Mar 8, Reading time and the beauty of siblings.

Mar 9, I have no idea why I took this other than to announce that I cleaned the leftovers out of my fridge!

Mar 10, Hold your hands up!

Mar 10, Ah, that's better?

Mar 12, Good new haircut, but a poor attempt at a self-portrait. I had to edit it to even be able to post it at all.

Mar 13, Family picture at Adam's baptism. Adam had an untimely rash under his mouth. It's gone NOW.

Mar 15, Snacks in the beautiful weather.

Mar 16, Birdhouse made at scouts. WAAAY better than making them at home!

Mar 18, One of the many I'm in love with from this day.

My Walk

2010-03-18T16:39:00.004-06:00

This morning.

Picture a Day

2010-03-08T23:10:00.005-07:00

Feb 17, leftover photo that hasn't been posted yet.

Feb 18, Loving her bike

Feb 18, Here Sarah is saying "My bummy, my bummy." Nice.

Feb 18, Sweet.

Feb 19, I am in love with this inexpensive Target dress.

Feb 20, Bird watching

Feb 22, First and definitely not the last french-braids

Feb 23, Adam

Feb 25, A work in progress

Feb 26, At the Ogden Frontrunner station

Feb 26, Treehouse museum with all four grandparents. So fun!!

Feb 26, Spontaneous Frontrunner trip to Ogden (which included the Treehouse). All of our grandparents went out of their way to accomodate us. Thank you!

Feb 27, A playdough MarioKart race. AWESOME. (Daniel took these.)

Feb 27, String cheese creation. (I took this.)

Feb 28, Photo shoot at neighbor's CUTE house. Wide-angle lens!

*

2010-03-08T22:44:00.003-07:00

I'm behind again.

Behind on blogging, and picture taking, and picture editing, and baptism program making, and blog reading, and anything else computer related. I don't like my computer causing me to feel guilt. I don't like it at all.

This last week has been very hard. Yesterday was the culmination of it all. Thankfully Daniel really stepped up. He made lunch, let me sleep for 3+ hours, cleaned up the kitchen, RAN THE DISHWASHER, made dinner and cleaned up the kitchen again. This morning I discovered that he had also folded MY laundry that was on the bedroom floor. It was a blessed event. Thank you so much Daniel. (Though now that I realize that this is even a possibility I may have to go hide myself in our room more often!)

Photography Assignments

2010-02-23T14:51:00.004-07:00

I took a photography class recently and wanted to post some of the photos I took for the class. I learned a lot, but most of all I learned how much I have to learn....and how much time it takes. I am going to warn you upfront how HUGE this post is. It's just how it has to be. Feel free to skip this if you're not interested.
I'm just adding simple descriptions here. Sorry if they don't make sense. They do to me! Most everything is unedited after-the-fact, unless I say so, except for a couple of them. Clear as a bell, right?!

KISS principle (Keep It Simple Stupid)

Repeating patterns

Patterns

Patterns and Side-Lighting

KISS principle

Patterns

Patterns

Pattern leading to subject

KISS principle

Foreground item

(I like the edited one better)

Pattern leading to subject, edited

Perspective - 3 feet

Perspective - ground level

Perspective - 7 feet or so

Foreground

Foreground

Rule of Thirds dividing line

Foreground, Rule of Thirds

Subject in center, depth of field

(I don't know why this picture is in here - other than that Adam loves his camera)

Backlight, sunrise, silhouette, edited

Backlight, sunrise, silhouette

Stopping motion, Backlight

Silhouette

Subject centered

Rule of thirds

Different angle

Side-lighting

Side-lighting, foreground

Stopping motion

Stopping motion

Stopping motion again

DIRECT light - close to sunset. :)

Back/sidelight, diffused look (I think from the angle the light is hitting the lens or something like that)

Back/side light

Funny

Stopping motion

Depth of field, focus

Depth of field, focus

Side-light, working on focus

Working on trade-offs in low light

Low light

Low light - flash

Low light

1/160, f/4.5, ISO 800

1/125. f/2.2, ISO 400

Same as above, only edited

Working on focusing, high shutter speed (1/320)

Depth of field (shallow-ish)

Larger depth of field (more in focus)

There's actually even more than this, but I'll stop there. :)

Picture a Day (#? - No longer going to keep track)

2010-02-17T15:07:00.008-07:00

Feb 1, Attitude at 10.

Feb 2, Photography assignment.

Feb 3, Dry erase on the windows. Suddenly, Sarah can draw!

Feb 4, Playing with editing

Feb 5, Isaac

Feb 6, Computer time

Feb 7, The first and only bird seen in Adam's awesome bird feeder.

Feb 8, Lynea on the webcam....eating. Told you I would post it!

Feb. 9, Daniel the moutainman. Love you hon!

Feb 10, More photography assignments...

Feb 11, LOVE having a girl.

Feb 11, Home sick from school.

Feb 12, Feeling better.

Feb 13, Birthday happiness

Feb 14, Mario save me!

Feb 15, Kaitlyn and Krystine (and boyfriend Nic). Kaitlyn pulled a face in EVERY picture. That is a dot-to-dot Krystine completed and colored.

Feb 15 (again), Pre-haircuts

Feb 16, Post-haircuts. It was time. Sarah wouldn't smile. :)

I Forget.

2010-02-05T16:34:00.002-07:00

I forget sometimes to remember that my blog is public.

I forget that everyone has access to this if they wish.

I forget that my readers are diverse.

I forget that most don't know the thought process that leads up to a post.

I forget that words can be taken out-of-context.

I forget that our perspectives are all so different.

I forget that this blog is only a snippet of real life and can give misconceptions.

I forget that I wouldn't say everything to everyone in real life.

Excellence

2010-02-04T19:33:00.007-07:00

1. A few mornings ago, Isaac requested I play a song for him. I had just gotten out of bed and dragged myself over to the piano. I attempted to play the song. I really did, but he wasn't too patient with my stumbling fingers. Then I had a horrible thought: "Is Isaac already passing me in skill with only 1 1/2 years of piano lessons?" This thought is most unwelcome when you studied piano for eight years more-or-less. The song had looked easy enough, except for all those darn flats. But luckily, I then noticed that it wasn't one of his books at all. It was a random Yanni book that he just wanted to hear how the song sounded. Phew. At least I wasn't struggling in a second year book. However, it did make me realize the amount I've lost. I haven't played much in the last 8 or so years, mostly due to a child that doesn't have a high level of tolerance for other people making music, but also in part to not really wanting to. And not playing for 8 years can make you lose what you had, which wasn't even that great to begin with.

2. So did you know that I love math? Doing math homework sounds fun to me. It was my major in college and I tutored up through Calculus in the math labs on campus. I was good. Although I've helped people a little over the last 10 years, it's been mostly Algebra and Geometry. Once again I've found that if you don't use something, you can lose it. I've thought a bit about getting a Masters at some point in my future, but I'm not sure I could study mathematics because it would be so difficult to spin-up.

These two areas used to be ways that I defined myself.

3. Last night I was looking at a blog I had already been to a few times. It's a blog of a mom that lives somewhere around here, has 5 sons and 1 daughter (the youngest), and takes some of the most amazing photos I've ever seen. Truly. Her photos are AMAZING. The post I'm going to link to here is of the birthday party she threw for her daughter. The party itself is incredible, but to be able to capture it like that baffles me. Plus she can write well. (I warn you not to look at the link if you don't want to see what appears as a charmed life.) There are a few other photographers that I would love to also emulate, but I get discouraged. My photography class is good, but it just helps me to know how much I don't know. (And even when I do learn new things, retaining it is so hard!) I've been frustrated about not being able to get my camera to do what I want it to do. I have a vision. Why can't I just reproduce it?!

All of this got me thinking about the areas that I dabble in. My sister commented that I've always got a ton of projects going at one time and she is right. The fact is: I'm good at a lot of things, but I'm not excellent at anything. The closest I come is probably in doing trim/molding. However, a neighbor of mine was looking to hire a trim carpenter to finish her basement and I wondered for a moment if I could do it. But do you know what it includes? Hanging doors. I don't hang doors and I have no desire to. Oh, and traditional crown molding that sits at 45 degrees? It's hard work and I'm not that great at it. This all makes me realize how many holes there are in my knowledge.

I like painting and drawing, but haven't done much with it lately. I sew a little and would like to sew more, but I don't ever plan on being an exceptional seamstress. I organize, but lose my drive. I cook a little, but nothing fancy. I've run, but I'm s.l.o.w. I sing, but lack training. I have good mothering moments, but the poor ones often outnumber them.

The problem is that I don't want to just be good, but be really good at something. To be, in fact, excellent.

And that makes me wonder.....

Do I have excellence in me?

The Power of Post-Processing Photos or PPPP

2010-02-03T14:44:00.007-07:00

You may have noticed that some pictures on my previous post were edited. I've recently been converted to Adobe Lightroom and could not help myself. So many of my pictures are mediocre at best, so doing something to make them better, or at least more interesting, makes sense.

I've put a lot of before/after photos in this post to show just how much of a difference editing can make. The majority of these are done with presets in Lightroom. (Befores are shown before afters with exception of the first set of photos.)

A way over exposed look, but great for hiding poor lighting, skin, and freckles. :)

An otherwise throw-away photo redeemed. The playground material looks awesome...along with the shiny shoes.

A decent beginning photo looks much different edited.

A photo barely worth keeping due mainly to poor exposure. (Note the bruising around her eyes and on her forehead.)

An interesting, but dim photo. Heavily tweaked just for fun.

Way more interesting after being edited.

Totally boring/bad photo - might as well us a cool effect on it, right?

Fuzzy taken out. Photo prettier overall.

It's amazing what the capabilites for post-processing a photo are (even without shooting in RAW). It's difficult to not get carried away...

Picture a Day #17-31

2010-02-03T13:11:00.005-07:00

Jan 17, Sarah tripped on the stairs and hit the tile hard creating a large goose egg.

Jan 18, My sister Leslie's new banister.

Jan 19, Sarah on her bike in the back yard. Christmas dress, snow boots,...

Jan 20, An awesome Jewelry organizer I got at TJ Maxx (I think).

Jan 21, A sneak peek of my guest/craft room that will be finished before the end of the year. :)

Jan 22, Scrapbooking.

Jan 23, Dry erase markers on the windows = happy children.

Jan 24, How it usually is, though I wish it wasn't.

Jan 25, The previous injury bruising and draining into her eyes.

Jan 26, First night at my Photography class.

Jan 27, Cute hair.

Jan 28, The Pie Pizzeria.

Jan 30, Dinner.

Jan 31, A small part of a lego city.

White Chili to Die For

2010-01-30T15:21:00.004-07:00

It was requested that I post this. It is quite possibly the best White Chicken Chili recipe ever created. It is from a cookbook I adore:

I met that lady at a boutique over a year ago and it changed my cooking life. There are lots of good useful recipes in the inspirational book. I've even had it spiral bound.

So I'm going to share one of my favorites here:

White Chili

1 pound boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 small white onion, diced
6 to 8 small garlic cloves, minced
1 (7-ounce) can diced green chiles, drained
2 (15-ounce) cans white beans, undrained
4 cups chicken broth
1 teaspoon chicken bouillon granules
2 teaspoons ground cumin
2 teaspoons dried oregano
½ to 1 teaspoon cayenne
1 cup sour cream, plus additional for topping
3 cups shredded Monterey Jack cheese

Chopped fresh cilantro
Chopped tomatoes

1. Cook the chicken by the desired method. Cool and tear into pieces. Set aside.
2. Heat the oil in a large pot over medium heat. Add the onion and garlic, and cook and stir until the onion is translucent, 2 to 3 minutes. Add the chicken, chiles, beans, broth, chicken bouillon, cumin, oregano, and cayenne. Simmer 30 to 45 minutes. Chili can be made ahead to this point and refrigerated or frozen for serving later.
3. Add the 1 cup sour cream and cheese, and continue cooking until the cheese is melted. Keep warm until serving.
4. Serve in bowls and pass cilantro, tomatoes, and additional sour cream.

Serve with ciabatta bread. Broil it a couple of minutes until crisp. Let your family or guests tear the bread instead of serving it sliced. Pass the butter.

Variation: For a thinner chili, the consistency of soup, add more chicken broth, up to 6 cups total.
Steps 1 and 2 can be done ahead of time.

Go try it. You won't regret it.

Making Chocolates, This Saturday, 10-12 AM

2010-01-28T22:13:00.002-07:00

It's true! We'll be making chocolates here at my house this Saturday, Jan. 30th from 10-12 am. We would love for YOU to come and join us...but without your children. :)

There will be fantastic little valentine boxes and tags, designed by Lora, for you to help make and take home full of chocolates! This is an awesome opportunity to have a handmade gift with so little effort.

Here's a sampling of the chocolates we'll be making:

Please come. The more the merrier.

Send me a message if you don't know where I live...

Picture a Day #13-16

2010-01-28T16:51:00.003-07:00

Jan 16, The only picture I took the whole day. An awesome look into how a trip of a mom by herself with three kids went down.

Jan 15 (2), Jenny's Canyon (in Snow Canyon).

Jan 15, My awesome nephew Kamron and us just before his graduation cermony.

Jan 14, Taken while I was driving (don't try it) to Southern Utah with the boys. The sunrays were cool in real life...

Jan 13, At one of Isaac's many mini-recitals.

Drifting

2010-01-27T23:08:00.004-07:00

Not sure if I should post this. I can't figure out what role my blog should play in my life. But sitting at home keeping my thoughts to myself isn't doing me any good. Might as well share them with the world, right?

I've been having a hard time blogging about much of anything. Pictures have been more painful to post since they are mostly still on my old computer and I've cut down one how much time I spend on the computer overall. Then when I do look at other blogs, particularly craft/decor/diy blogs, I think of how (inadequate I am) much time and effort it takes to post like that and so I don't. Things are going on that I could blog about, but I just don't feel like there's any reason to post it. This is much of what's going on in my head. Lack of motivation, ambition, drive, purpose.

I've got lots of theories as to why I've been in this funk...including, but not limited too, lack of sleep, boredom, missing my husband, transitional time of life for me... Tonight it's definitely missing my husband. We're crossing paths a lot these days, at best. He is working such a great amount that I usually can't even go there in my head. Feigning ignorance is often my best tactic.

The kids being a little older has helped me process it some. My sister Leslie's husband has always traveled a lot and I never understood how she managed to stay sane. I realize now that I was seeing it through my young mothering eyes, with days full of diapers and crying. Now things are somewhat easier around here. Still plenty stressful, but easier. The kids are *more* predictable. Mothering is still vital, but not as constant. True be told, it's sad really in many ways (and yet wonderful in others).

I've been floundering spiritually for some time now too. I've had a book of testimonies from the women of my ward sitting on my desk since early December. I had not read any of it. I picked it up tonight and browsed some. One woman quoted a hymn that I helped teach the kids in primary, "How Firm a Foundation":

"Fear not, I am with thee; oh be not dismayed, For I am they God and will still give thee aid. I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand, upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand."

Still?

I sure hope so.

It's amazing that I can be surrounded by a multitude of blessings and yet be lost.

Picture A Day #1-12

2010-01-12T23:01:00.004-07:00

As one of my new year goals, I've commited to taking a picture each day and sharing it. This is the first batch. They are ginormous. I'm sorry for that, but I'm not going back to fix it.

I do not claim that they will be artistic or beautiful, but instead maybe interesting. I also reserve the right to borrow a picture from a neighboring day if a whole day actually passed without a picture being taken.

Here they are in large, backwards fashion!

Jan 12, A recent project using scrapbook paper.

Jan 11, Snowman....in the Snow.

Jan 10, Ready for church.

Jan 9, Sarah's kitchen she got for Christmas and the table I mod podged, moved downstairs.

Jan 8, My berry wreath I'm leaving up for Valentine's.

Jan 7, After the first game of church basketball (in which we were crushed).

Jan 6, Cute legs.

Jan 5, Sarah playing.

Jan 4, The view out my front window of my neighbor's roof being torn down.

Jan 3, A poor picture of our job board.

Jan 2, My Cocomotion given to me by Daniel for Christmas. Yummy.

Jan 1, Cleaning up Christmas.

Sarah's 3rd Birthday - a Very Late Post

2009-12-31T10:08:00.007-07:00

I can't believe she's three. I keep wishing I could hold back time. I don't want to lose this time with her, my only girl and my last. How happy I am that she's a part of our family.

Sarah's friend party...

Disney Princesses on Ice the night of her birthday...

Friends at the Gale Center on her birthday...

The dollhouse, her main present...

Jungle Jim's with the Bowens (there should be a pic of the Bowens here, but I didn't seem to upload it)

Grandma Bowen and Sarah...

A princess cake...

Curly hair for her celebration...

Cake and Ice Cream with my family...

= one loved little girl. Happy (super-belated) Birthday Sarah!

Donations

2009-12-30T23:52:00.004-07:00

Life has been going full tilt for a while now. My blog has been one of the innocent bystanders. Sorry to all two of you who might have been bothered by that!

Moving on...

I was so humbled by the amount of support and concern shown by so many friends, family, and neighbors when we decided to collect donations for my neighbor whose home was damaged in the fire. Jaylynn (next door to me) and I were able to take the combined donations to him on Saturday, Dec. 19th. I took pictures of most of the items and money, but forgot to take one when is was all wrapped up!

Total donated was (estimated) over $650. $425 was cash (much of this was from checks made out to me), $120 in visible gift cards. A handful of sealed cards and lots of food and supplies.

Thank you so, so much to everyone who shared what you had with him. He was so grateful!

Just so you know, the house was not *quite* a complete loss. They are redoing just about everything though. Every piece of sheetrock has been removed. They will run tests on the wood framing to see how much frozen water remains in it. The siding, brick, and roof will all be replaced. It needs new cupboards, granite, subfloor...everything. Rebuild will take approximately 6 months and then he will live there again. He was looking at the bright side when we spoke to him and thinking about all of the improvements he can make. :)

The Fire on My Street - A Call for Donations

2009-12-09T21:40:00.001-07:00

If you are not already aware of this, sadly, a house on our street went up in flames last Friday night. Above are a few pictures we took from our house. (Most of the damage is actually on the back of the home.)

The owner, Roger, was devastated and lost so many things. Many people have requested that we take up a collection for him. So...

We will be collecting donations for Roger through Sunday, December 13th.

*If you would like to contribute, please bring any donations to me by this Sunday. Please contact me if you have any questions or if you need more time. There will also be a group card at my house that you can sign if you would like to express sympathy for his loss.

*If you would like to donate some items you think he would need that are new, it might be good to attach a gift receipt it case he wishes to return it.

*You may donate things that you already own that you think he could use.

*We will also be collecting money and/or gift cards to be given directly to him. We may put money towards Target or Lowe's gift cards.

*Checks can be made out to me (and the money will be combined with other donations), or you can write a check directly to Roger and it will be delivered along with the rest of the items.

Losing your home is a terrible thing to have happen at any time, but it is especially heartbreaking at Christmastime. Hopefully we can rally together and help bring Roger some unexpected joy this season! Thank you so much!

(Leave a comment or email me at malisa5@bowensite.com if you need more info, such as where I live, my phone number, Roger's phone number and full name, etc.)

Here's one of the clips that our security cameras picked up. (It will take a minute to load.) I didn't see this part; it's before the fire engines arrive.

Video Clip

A Boring Post

2009-11-23T18:29:00.003-07:00

This is an incredibly boring post. It was what was in my head or nothing!

I know I haven't been blogging much. I've still in the middle of a computer transition. I don't have my pictures on the new machine yet.

Sunday was the primary program. It went well and I'm so happy to have it done. The rest of church that followed was incredibly tiring. I think it's going to be a few days before I feel recovered from the two...just in time for the boys to be home from school!

My house feels like a disaster zone as I write this. It's in need of some deep organizing and cleaning again. The kid's school is doing a book drive and I've been sorting through all that we own (too many). It looks as though I will be parting with 150+ books. While it's counts as organizing, right now it's just making things messier.

Sarah has gone from begging everyday for friends to complaining about them. What is up with my daughter? Just as soon as I get things figured out, she mixes it up.

I'm tired today. The old type of tired. I started the morning cheerful, but fatigue set in at precisely 11:00am. I don't like it.

There. Now I feel a little better. Time to go get some stuff done.

I Wish

2009-11-10T18:31:00.004-07:00

The gospel of Christ is a gospel of progression. What would be the point if we didn't believe we could ever be better than what we are now?

But I tell you, sometimes I think I'll never improve, never overcome my inadequacies, never truly move forward. I wish I would stop preventing myself from being what I really could be.

I wish I could always show those around me how dear they are to me.

I wish I never let a ball drop.

I wish I was always a patient mom. I have so many good ideas, but rarely carry them out. If I do, I'm not consistent.

I wish my house was always (ever) clean.

I wish my emotions were less rollercoastery.

I wish I was always a thoughtful wife.

I wish I always met people's expectations.

I wish I was always a good friend. Sometimes, I just suck (and my heart aches).

I wish everyone understood me.

I wish I were more humble, more spiritual.

I wish I had a life coach.

I wish I could be happy all the time.

I wish I was more charitable.

I wish I was more grateful for my blessings.

I wish I didn't feel guilt.

I wish I was enough.

I wish I was perfect.

Here's some quotes I came across while cleaning my desk today:

"You can do anything - but not everything."

"My house is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy."

"Your net usable faith is what is left after subtracting your doubt and disbelief."

I'm up to my nose in blessings, with only a few trials to balance it out. Is life still hard? You betcha.

P.S. I wish I remember to spell check before I initialalially posted.

I Went Back

2009-10-26T22:20:00.002-06:00

It's been nearly 4 years. FOUR years. (Think pre-Sarah.)

I used to go most M/W/F's for 3 years. And then I stopped.

But today I went back to Allison's aerobics class as Gene Fullmer's. In some ways it was as if I'd never left. It was awesome. And hard.

The verdict is still out as to whether I can commit to going regularly, but for today it was good. And hard.

Attitude Changing Grattitude

2009-10-22T16:44:00.003-06:00

Never before have I loved all of my children more than I have this week. It feels as though my eyes have been opened to the blessing that they truly are. This is the way I always hope to feel, but often fall short. It it not that they have been angels or that some grand thing has helped me see things differently. It's just a gift from God that I so desperately needed at this time.

Also, my energy has been good from the day I went to the doctor. It seems that this may be the result of a simple prayer.

Perhaps the Lord is aware of me after all.

Multiplication Slap-Jack

2009-10-21T22:49:00.003-06:00

I stumbled across this version of "multiplication slap-jack". Sounds fun AND educational. I'd like to think I would rock at it too. I have my times-tables down! Anyone want to challenge me??!?! Bwahahahaha.

http://www.oneshetwoshe.com/2009/10/making-math-fun-she-rachel.html

I am so going to play this with Isaac. He is a surprisingly formidable foe.

Photobucket and My Niece

2009-10-18T22:14:00.005-06:00

I'm trying to post pics from photobucket. I can't go the slow way through Blogger ANYMORE! However, these were huge, so now they're just thumbnails. I'll work on that later.

I have plans to take a photography class in the future. I know I have lots to learn. I've been having focusing problems with my camera, but I think I may have figured out why AFTER our little photo shoot. Keep in mind that these pictures have zero editing - they haven't even been cropped. My neice is beautiful, don't you think? (We were on our way to IKEA, so I got to use the same wall that is in our family photos.)

Dance Class

2009-10-18T21:44:00.002-06:00

Pin Me Down

2009-10-15T16:47:00.001-06:00

If you can come tomorrow night, meet at my house around 6:30. We'll probably just do dinner. Perhaps the Olive Garden.

The Birthday

2009-10-14T23:48:00.002-06:00

I'm toying with the idea of canceling my birthday plans. 50% of people have something going on. 25% have random reasons. I feel guilty about the last 25% whom it seems to be inconvenient for but would join me anyway.

I had decided on the corn maze in West Jordan, with dinner at some sort of casual dining place before at 6:30, which I estimated would put us at the corn maze by 7:30ish. Don't know which way to go right now.

What I would really like for my birthday is some nice uplifting comments. I'm in need of some major support right now thank you very much. I'm feeling a bit hacked down by everything.

My Birthday's Coming and Don't You Forget It!

2009-10-12T00:27:00.002-06:00

Everyone knows I love my birthday. To celebrate, I'm going to a corn maze and would like everyone (read girl's only) to join me this Friday night. Details will follow. I believe they will include dinner plans too.

Find someone to watch the kids (if you have any) and come play. That means you!

The Effects of Multitasking

2009-10-04T14:03:00.002-06:00

Pizza on plastic IKEA plate in toaster oven =

A Picture of Health

2009-10-01T21:11:00.003-06:00

Wondering how my doctor's visit went? Can't stand all the suspense? Well, wait no longer...I am the picture of health!

The office visit went well, although I was oddly nervous. After that, I was relying on the blood work to show me what is causing all of this fatigue. The doctor (yes, the actual doctor) called me this afternoon and told me the following:

Iron - in the normal range (37.5 to be exact)
Blood Count - normal
Folic Acid- normal
Vitamin B 12 - normal
Thyroid - perfect
Every other test you would run in a regular blood panel - normal
Blood pressure - normal

So there you have it - no answers. The doctor believes me and said he just keeps thinking he must have missed something. It could be my less-than-adequate sleep, or some form of depression, or that fact that my husband works all the time. I don't know anymore.

The next few weeks I'm going to work on mind over matter and see if this is in my head. One problem is that it comes and goes. I guess we'll see.

P.S. I am grateful to have such a healthy body.

10 Years Ago

2009-09-30T23:23:00.006-06:00

10 years ago today, I had my first child.

10 years ago today, my life changed forever.

Happy birthday to a fantastic 10-year-old. We love you so much.

Isaac's teacher, Ms. Brakke (aka - the Origami Lady)

(It seems that I took no pictures today. Hmm. These last two are from his party last Friday, which was, after all, his actual duedate - which so counts.)

Unsettled

2009-09-27T23:02:00.007-06:00

(Here's another post of me blubbering on about my unorganized and somewhat discouraged state of mind. I have no expectations that anyone read this. In fact, it might be better if no one did. Anyway, I write stuff down to try to make sense of it all and to feel like I've accomplished something by putting up a blog post.)

I'm over-committed, under-slept, and going crazy in my head. Did you know that if you don't sleep enough, you think a lot differently than you would normally? LITTLE THINGS can bother you to no end.

Did you also know that I can't focus. Did you hear that? I. CAN'T. FOCUS.

I'm spinning my wheels in accomplishing anything. I'm having anxiety about every little thing I have to do this week. Daniel looks at me with sympathy, but not with understanding. He was standing next to me while I was loading the dishwasher tonight when I stopped and said "I don't want to do this!" and then went and cried on the couch. That would be hard to understand, I guess.

The problem is actually not how much I have to do, but ME.

I have SO MUCH GUILT, which is incapacitating, over everything it seems. Anything church related right now is loaded with guilt for me. Mainly guilt of omission. I went to the Relief Society meeting last night, which was good, but it reminded me of my lack of visiting teaching efforts lately. Guilt. I stayed up way too late the last two nights and didn't make it to church on time. Guilt. I was not an awesome primary/nursery person today. I did NOT want to deal with those beautiful (but CRYING) children up in nursery. Guilt. I do NOT feel like praying right now. Guilt. I am feeling under-motivated about church ball. Guilt. The list goes on.

Now I have guilt for complaining about anything church related. I'll make the text littler so that some of you might miss that part. Sigh.

School is also an area of stress/guilt for me. I have more wrap-up to do on the carnival and I don't want to do it. I cannot wait for the two days off of school this weekend.

Other areas of major guilt include: house cleaning/organizing, time spent with children, MEMORY KEEPING (or lack there-of), relationships with friends/family, ...

One of the main things that has been eating away at me this week is the incredible coincidence that two of my very best friends in my life moved this week. They have very different stories that brought them to their respective moves, but they ended up closing on their houses the SAME DAY. This may not seem odd to you unless you really know them/me, but I can honestly say it has shaken me up.

Also, I try to pretend that Daniel's increased working is not that big of a deal. It IS a big deal, but I just have to try to ignore it. There's nothing to be done about it right now. There just isn't.

I don't know how to let go of the guilt. I have so many thoughts in my head that nothing is making sense to me right now. I'm frustrated more than usual. I feel a need for something new in my life. I'm a little jealous about my friends having a new adventure. I live a seriously blessed life. Why exactly do I have these problems?

Oh, I have my doctor's appointment tomorrow. I put off finding someone to watch Sarah. Imagine that.

As a side note, (but really isn't this all a side-note?) I have a lot of great pictures from the recent past. This helps me to feel guilt about not posting/scrapbooking/doing whatever the heck I'm supposed to do with them. So, I'll put two here. Daniel actually took them. That's my girl.

GNO Tomorrow

2009-09-27T20:25:00.004-06:00

I just posted about what we're doing tomorrow night for GNO. You might want to read it if you like CHOCOLATE. Come and join us - the more the merrier.

Caffiene. It's a Drug.

2009-09-26T00:33:00.004-06:00

My energy has been low the past few days. This morning I dragged. I pulled through and got the main level of the house decently clean for Isaac's party, but after it was all said and done I was TIRED. I thought it would be nice to feel some energy for once so I actually went to the gas station and bought myself a 32 oz Pepsi (as a reward for surviving the day without even raising my voice).

I'm not a big soda drinker. Now, it's 12:30am and I feel like I could stay up much later - as opposed to every other night this week that I've crashed. Caffiene is very effective if you don't consume it very often. Makes you realize just how potent the stuff really is.

I have lots of posts I'd like to do, plenty to catch up on on-line, and fantastic books to read, but I'm going to go force myself to go to sleep or I'll regret it in the morning.

P.S. My doctor's appointment is on Monday. Hopefully there is some type of answer to this stupid fatigue! (I predict that I will be told to take more iron and feed myself with frequent small healthy meals. If only that were easy for me!)

Doing it Justice

2009-09-21T21:17:00.008-06:00

What Should Weed Do?

2009-09-16T19:22:00.002-06:00

I don't mind weeding too much if the weather is nice and there's not to much to do. My kids, however, HATE it. You would think it was pure torture if you heard them moan and groan about it. I usually only make them weed the playground area, since it is their area and the weeds pull out nice and easy. No big deal, right? They have said they'd rather not have to weed than have a playground!!

We haven't been out much this past month and this is what it looks like.

Do you notice how they are all against the fence? Yep. One of our backyard neighbors doesn't have grass - just weeds, for their backyard. There is no stopping the vengeance of those weeds. The weeds in our yard stop right where their fence line stops.

A few years ago the house was vacant, though owned by the same people. The weeds got so tall that Daniel went in their back yard and hacked/sprayed them. They keep them shorter now, but whenever I pull the weeds in our yard, I think about saying something about it.

Should I?

Today

2009-09-15T22:51:00.006-06:00

If you think this post is choppy or odd, just imagine what's happening in my head.

Sarah has not been easy. I'm not sure why. It made the morning/afternoon (plus the last few weeks) much harder than it needed to be.

Tons of carnival coordinating going on. My mind turned to mush. I started to near the edge of the craziness cliff.

Isaac had a piano recital. (Seriously - it HAD to be THIS week? Seriously?) Sarah = not good. Getting closer to the edge.

Went to eat with Daniel (who had come to the recital and was going back to work after). Too much kid time. Cannot even pretend to be cheerful, despite wonderful service at Rumbi's.

We buckle up in car, attempt to send Daniel back to work, but I was not functioning. Looking over the edge of cliff. Thinking about jumping.

Daniel changes plans - takes kids home. I cry.

Go grocery (and quick clearance) shopping at SuperTarget conveniently located across the street from eatery. Start stepping away from cliff.

Find good deals. :)

Talk to the Target employee who's ringing up my items. Tell her I'm going crazy. Find out she is single and has three kids too. 1 year, 3 years, and a 7 year old with Cerebral Palsy. She took the job a Target to have some time away. Start putting things in perspective.

Get library problems taken care of that I thought might never be at this point. Breathing again.

Arrive home to find all children in bed. Saved from the fall.

Thank you, thank you, thank you Daniel for saving me today. I love you so much.

A Memory

2009-09-13T21:02:00.002-06:00

While I don't have the best memory, there are a few things I will never forget.

As I was just in my bathroom, I saw a very small baby spider crawling across the floor and it reminded me of:

My bedroom in our Layton house. Many nights I would lay awake on my bed watching for spiders on my celing. There were lots of spiders, usually of the white variety and often babies. I would stand on my bed with a bunched up wad of toilet paper squishing them (and leaving them there - hey, I was a teenager). But I'll never forget one night when there was an adult, we'll call her Mom. I got her - but not the 194 thousand babies on her back. Yep. Got to watch them scatter everywhere. Ick. Ick. Eww.

Now, that's a memory you don't forget. I bet it's happened to some of you too.

Borrowing Kerri's Post

2009-09-08T00:09:00.004-06:00

Why write your own stuff when someone said it pretty darn well already?

I'd like you all to read a post by my friend Kerri. It's political. It's thought provoking.

Here it is:

http://kerrisgreenhouse.blogspot.com/2009/09/yes-im-going-there.html

Go read it.

Then tell me what you think.

Goodnight Nobody. Goodnight Mush.

2009-09-03T11:43:00.003-06:00

During a PTA meeting this morning, my blood sugar dropped yet again. After I begged for some fruit snacks from the president so I could get myself off of the chair and home, I found myself thinking about just how ridiculous this has become. The president did end up getting me some more substantial snacks and buying me a drink, so then I had the opportunity to divulge what's really going on to her and the Principal. Ah yes, it was oddly embarrassing and enlightening at the same time.

I felt so retarded admitting that I hadn't yet gone to see a doctor and that I even struggle with taking my vitamins in the morning. It's gotten so bad that Daniel literally has to put all of my vitamins on the counter WITH A GLASS OF WATER to inspire me enough to take them.

Why am I doing this? Why am I not taking better care of myself?

I think part of it's denial. I think I should be bigger than this. Mind over matter.

I also don't want to admit how much this is taking over my life.

I know I could control much of it with my diet. I don't have the energy to. I don't care much about food if you don't already know.

Also, sometimes I have good days where I feel normal, but it's probably time to confess that I'm not normal. My energy is low. Affecting my life low.

It seems that it's been worse since this spring, but it may just be that I have finally realized that not everyone feels this way.

To clear this up for you, this is what I know:

I have low iron.
I obviously have some problems with my blood sugar.
I get dizzy A LOT.
I do take iron about every other day (when I can manage).
I don't have a great diet. This is more a sin of omission rather than commission.
I have a MAJOR lack of focus, much of the time.

I called my brother this morning to get his recommended Dr.'s info, but had to leave him a message. It's time, I guess, to go get checked out.

So there you have it. I'm struggling. I know what I need to do, but I have a hard time doing it.

Do you get the title?

Well, That Was Easy

2009-09-03T11:22:00.004-06:00

So I guess Sarah is nearly potty-trained. It doesn't seem to matter if she's playing, watching TV, outside, or in a diaper. She goes on her own and just told me to go away. She goes both #1 and #2 without problems. She's waking up most mornings dry. She's figured out that by holding the front of her dress in her mouth, she can avoid it falling into the toilet.

Plus, this has all required very little effort on my part. The only hurdle we have yet to tackle in using public and/or other people's potties, but I'm not complaining. Bless the heavens.

(For those of you that don't know, this is NOT the potty-training scenario I had with the boys.)

My Mind is Mush

2009-09-02T15:45:00.004-06:00

I had a fairly stressful day yesterday. Actually it was mostly in the morning. Nevertheless, I've been pretty useless since.

I've stared at the wall today more than I would like to admit. I can't seem to recover and accomplish anything.

I'm overly senstive too. I nearly cried when I was talking on the phone to Daniel about where to take the van to get it's oil changed.

Um, yeah. Maybe I shouldn't volunteer to be in charge of school carnivals.

And I almost cried when I just lost my internet connection and had to retype this all.

My New Ride

2009-09-01T21:52:00.002-06:00

Who Are You?

2009-08-27T22:42:00.004-06:00

I have been trying to think up some grand post to explain why I took my blog private (very private, only I could see it) for a little while. I can't think of one. I simply felt like not being public for a little while.

I have been made increasingly aware of how many people read my blog from time to time. Church people, childhood people, facebook people, family, extended relatives, next door neighbors, old boyfriends, my husband, online people, best friends, acquaintances, kid's school people, college people, and people I don't know at all. I can name at least one person in each of those catergories. That's a wide audience. It freaks me out a little. (FYI, I don't tailor my words for any of these particular groups, so please don't let anything bother you.)

So, here's what I'm asking...

I don't really care if you comment much, but what I want is to at least KNOW you read my blog. If you are reading this, I ask you to do one of two things.

1. Comment on this post.

and/or

2. Follow my blog.

1. Commenting is not hard. I will open annonymous comments back up for a short time to make it even easier. You can comment annonymously if you don't have a Google account (which you should get anyway), but just make sure you put you name in your comment so I know it's you. That's it.

2. You can easily follow a blog by clicking on "Follow Blog" at the top or go over to the right where I put my followers and do the same. It helps with Google reader anyway. Just do it.

That's all for now. Can't wait to see who you are.

Gotta Shake This Feeling

2009-08-17T19:14:00.006-06:00

Dinner is done. The house is fairly clean (at this exact moment - it probably won't be for long). Daniel's staying at work tonight. (Daniel doesn't want people to think that he does nothing but work. He does spend most of Saturdays and Sundays with us, BTW.)

I'm thinking about school starting. I'm finally done with summer this week. We still haven't had many friends to play or done some other things we (I) had planned, but it's time for the kids to go back. Having 3 kids doesn't sound like much until you have them with you ALL day ALL the time. I'm tired.

The house (as I mentioned earlier) has a very hard time staying picked up. Adam has always loved to play with little things and leaves them ALL OVER THE HOUSE, not to mention his socks. I fell asleep on the couch in the afternoon today and woke up to 5 or so varying decks of cards spread out in a 'maze'. Sigh.

The school carnival is only a month away. We have a meeting on Wednesday. I really hope it all goes well and I don't drop the ball somewhere.

The Raingutter Regatta (like the Pinewood Derby, but boats) for Isaac's scouts is coming up. I have the kit, but I just can't wrap my head around having to help him make his boat. The car last year took a long time. BTW, Isaac did just recently earn his Bear. Hooray!

My good friend and neighbor is moving and I have mixed feelings about it. I'm excited for her, but sad about having them leave....and a little jealous. Sometimes I would like to try a new start and move into a lovely new home. (Yes, I do love this house and would be sad about that too.) But secretly, I think I'd enjoy packing up my stuff and unpacking it. (I may be wrong about this; people say it's not fun.) It would just be nice to take a look at what I actually own and determine if it's really worth having.

I had a few minutes of quiet there. It ended abruptly.

$2 Tuesday Insanity

2009-08-14T18:51:00.007-06:00

On Tuesday, Lynea and I thought we would brave Thanksgiving Point for their $2 deal. I already knew that it would be crazy (since everyone I talked to seemed to be going), but I didn't realize HOW crazy. The lines for the Dinosaur Museum and Farm country were SOOOOO long.

The gardens turned out to be very doable and it was a beautiful day. I don't recall going at this time in the summer before. It was so pretty...and it only took us 15-20 min to get back onto the freeway!

A Time To Help

2009-08-11T16:27:00.004-06:00

A great family in my ward is in need of help. They are holding a fundraiser this Friday. Here's some info I got from a relative's wesbsite:

Doug Burton, 35, father of Anya and Isaac is in desperate need of a kidney and pancreas transplant. Struggling with juvenile diabetes since his youth, Doug is now on dialysis. Please join us in helping Doug be restored back to health with this vital surgery. Doug has worked for years in the family business, Burton Auto, helping his dad and grandad in their West Jordan shop. A few years ago he was able to get a job, in the printing department of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The health insurance from this blessed job, will pay most of the bills. Now unable to work, we ask that you please lend a hand in helping us raise his portion of the surgical costs. Friday, August 14, 2009, come join the festivities at Pioneer Hall 1137 West 7800 South in West Jordan, Utah, with an all day boutique and silent auction.

Prince & Princess Party 2-4pm for children, which includes meeting a favorite princess, fairy godmother, games & royal treats. $5

Western Party with the Deloy Allred Country Band is $20 per couple, 7-9pm which includes program, dancing & goodies. Purchase tickets for either event at either Burton Automotive (7709 S Redwood Road), or Macey's Grocery (7589 S 3200 W) in West Jordan.

If you are unable to make it to either event, but want to help out; donations can be made to any Mountain America Credit Union.

I really hope this is successful for them. They are good people with good hearts that have already had enough heartache. Please consider attending or donating.

So Few Layers

2009-08-09T14:21:00.003-06:00

I just started another blog for any of my friends that might be interested in doing some Girl's Night Outs. Consider yourself invited:

http://r3women.blogspot.com/

Bump on a Wheel

2009-08-08T11:46:00.005-06:00

Sometimes in my happy little life I forget something about myself. Little things can eat me up. (Let alone the big things.)

I remember hearing an analogy (quite a few times for some strange reason) when I was younger about how men are compartmentalizers - they divide their thoughts/emotions/lives into little compartments and can put something in one and not worry about it until they visit it again. But women are like a big wheel that keeps turning. (Cannot remember the general term they used for it.) They put stuff on the edge of their wheel and as their wheel rolls along, they keep going over the same bump, over and over -- having a difficult time "putting things away".

This analogy used to bother me a little. I like the idea of compartment living (plus I love 'compartments' and organizing) and thought I was bigger than the 'bump on a wheel' theory.

I am not. I am SO not.

Give me a little piece of something and I'll stick it on my wheel and roll over it till I beat it to death. Okay, that's a little bit of an exaggeration - I just keep rolling over it until I forget about it. My poor memory is what makes it so easy to move on (of course, AFTER I forget) - probably the only reason I like forgeting things. :)

P.S. For those of you not on facebook, here's my latest status update:
After using non-acetone remover, WINDEX, and lots of elbow grease the pink fingernail polish Sarah spilled on my white carpet stairs is nearly gone...but my house smells strongly of chemicals...and Scentsy.

Summer Too Short

2009-08-04T15:50:00.004-06:00

The beginning of school is coming with a vengance. 2 1/2 weeks. I'm not ready.

(I think it may be worse this year because of my agreeing to be in charge of the school carnival in September. Um yeah, maybe it has something to do with that.)

I'm not ready for the heavy mantel of responsibility that comes with having kids in school. I'm not ready for them to have so much less time to accomplish so much more.

I don't mind having my kids home too much. I actually like it most of the time. (Except for right now when I keep getting interupted even when Sarah's asleep.) It's been a good busy summer, even though we haven't really played with friends much yet.

But mostly, I think I've made driving to school seem like a bigger deal than it probably is. No one else seems to hate it as much as me. (I think Sarah's naps play into this. I HATE HATE HATE to wake a sleeping child.) I also don't like to drive much. Perhaps it has to do some with my intense motion sickness or the fact that I don't see lots of car time as a great way to spend my/our day. It seems that we drive everywhere, all the time.

We (Daniel and I) just decided not to offer playing fall soccer to the boys because there's already too much on our calendar. Plus, the idea of shuttling both of them back and forth to practices and games (in addition to school, piano, scouts...) makes me sick to my stomach.

Bigger deal than it needs to be, right?

Because I Need to Spout Random Stuff to Make Myself Feel Better

2009-08-04T15:38:00.004-06:00

I haven't been blogging as much because I've been made increasingly aware of how many people could potentially/do read the stupid stuff I put here. Today I felt the first flames of desire to take my blog private and not allow ANYONE to read it, so I could just vent and not have to worry about the ramifications. Um, I guess that's what a journal's for.

Anyhow, I have nothing to say, because I can't say it here really. So there.

But I wonder sometimes why things happen the way they do? Why do we have to learn patience? Why can friendships be so hard? Why can't things stay the same? Why can't things change and we (I) can have a little excitment? Why?

Joy is in the journey. Joy is in the journey. No Malisa, you would not be happier if...

Gonna go have myself a good cry.

P.S. Daniel works a lot.

Keeping Up

2009-07-30T23:11:00.002-06:00

In all of my cleaning I discovered many things that Sarah had done. I'm too tired to provide an explantion. (I secretly wonder if the picture may have been chopped up by one of the boys. Hmmm. Nope, probably Sarah.)

As Clean As It Gets

2009-07-30T22:41:00.005-06:00

Lynea and kids came today. My basement was unliveable just two days ago. I have cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. I actually vacuumed all of the carpet in the house today. (Usually I do one floor at a time.) So proud of myself. In fact, I was so proud that I had to run around and take some pictures...

A poor picture of the basement - but it's now so functional and the kids play down there a lot!

Another view.

The new (used to be craft) toy closet.

The guest room with my never finished painting. I actually kind of like that it leaves it open to your imagination. I have my 'craft' stuff in here now and draping it all was the only way I could think of to disguise it (mostly from Lynea's two-year-old). :)

My office area. I'm finally posting a real picture of my bookcase. LOOOOVVVVE IT.

See all the pictures above my desk. New idea. I like it so far, but I'm not done yet.

I need to look at the settings on my camera. I have a bright lovely house. Anyways, this is the master in it's latest arrangement. One of these days I'll take of picture of the newly framed mirrors and the rest of my projects. One of these days. :)

P.S. Have you noticed that the quality of uploaded pictures on blogger suddenly seems much worse. (Try looking at pictures with faces like the ones in my previous post.) I'm guessing they decided to make the files smaller, but I'm not liking it.

Only a Year Ago...

2009-07-29T11:52:00.005-06:00

This photo was from last July. I never seem to remember my kids looking like they did in old photos, but it really hasn't been that long that Sarah has had hair.

This is her right now, hair in her eyes as she prefers. Having a girl with hair is every bit as fun as I dreamed. :)

Utahn, Mormon, Non-Republican

2009-07-20T12:41:00.008-06:00

I live in Utah. I am Mormon. I am NOT a Republican.

....or a Democrat for that matter.

The entire idea of a two party system frustrates me. If I agree with some of one party's opinions, but not all, then why in the world would I define myself by it?

I really don't like talk radio. Well, at least some of it, such as far right and left wing political talk. Most of it plays on emotions; the key one being FEAR. Fear of others, fear of others' actions, fear for the future. I am not enjoying so many around me telling me all of the doomsday predictions fed to them by others.

I have a hard time with the "I am right and there is no way you could be right. You will see..." attitude.

Granted things are not good right now, but for heaven's sake, they're not that bad either.

Frozen Dinner Group

2009-07-15T17:04:00.004-06:00

I did do something to be proud of today. I successfully made 16 quiche.

My friend Julie invited me last month and now for a second time as a sub in their frozen dinner group. I LOVE quiche and thought I'd give it a go. Yummmmm.... (I hope they taste as good as they look!)

Also, I got ready. Somedays, even if the only place you have to go is to exchange frozen dinners, it just feels good to be clean and pretty.

P.S. Thanks so much for the nice comments on my last post. Today has been great knowing that I'm not alone - and I would love to hang with all of you!

Thinking About Myself

2009-07-14T15:39:00.013-06:00

DISCLAIMER: I really am doing fine. I know what it's like to be really down and I'm not, even if this post makes it seem like it. I'm just a little lonely and disappointed in myself - that's all. Trying to title this post helped me to see how very, very inward-focused this is. Maybe it's time I step back on the service bandwagon.

(Photo courtesy of Adam - to which he replied, "I'm good at taking pictures.")

Life is good. Really good. Great everything. But I'm just happy-ish. It seems that I've been short on gratitude lately and higher on blah-ness. Why? I don't know.

What frustrates me more than anything is that I just don't seem to be able to stay 'up'. It just seems that I'm fighting against my nature when I want to be happy and energetic and kind and productive all of the time.

I've also been walking around with heaps of guilt on my shoulders wondering why I can't live up to more of my potential. I KNOW what I am capable of, but I just can't seem to do it.

How much can we really improve our overall temperaments long term? (I can say that I am definitely less emotional now than I was years ago, but there's also not as much drama as say, when I was a teenager.) It just seems so much easier for a born optimist (ahem....Kerri) to see the cheery side of things and relish the good in life. (Let me mention here that I don't think that means their life is easier by any means, just that they have a greater ability to see the positives.) Me? I'm somewhere in the middle of the 'glass-half-full, glass-half-empty' battle. I want to be more cheerful and optimistic though. How do I focus on the positive?

It is obvious that some things come easier for some people than others. Take my kids for example. They are so different! And they've been that way since birth. One is often just plain grumpy, another is overall pleasant but sinks often, and one in more or less happy (and less emotional). These temperament differences affect almost everything in our/their lives. Expectations have to be different for them, but does God see it that way too?

Does He understand that sometimes, for no real reason, I just don't feel happy?

On another note, I'm suffering in the friend department a bit again - need more time with the girls. I've found that the more Daniel works, the more I need to talk to others to fill the void. Part of the problem is that I tend to be spontaneous and then think that no one would be available or want to do anything. I've got to make a bigger effort to keep the wonderful friends I do have (and actually call and do things with them).

Something that really, really frustrates me is when blogger does not preserve your formatting. Where are all of the paragraphs?? Arrrrgggh. Does anyone have this problem/know how to fix it EASILY. I do know how to edit the html, but I just don't want to deal with the problem in the first place - seems to have something, maybe, to do with photos or with enlarging text?!?

Up Too Late

2009-07-10T00:29:00.003-06:00

So, I'm back from the Segullah Studio Night, which was AWESOME and of course I'm up late as usual. Daniel is working downstairs and I have the hardest time making myself go to bed.

I thought I'd try to quickly stick one of our new pics up. I did, but it's late and I don't want to fix it right now. We have so many good ones to use. I just have to take the time.

I know I still need to blog about the Wasatch Back also. The Seattle trip threw me off!