Today

If you think this post is choppy or odd, just imagine what's happening in my head.

Sarah has not been easy. I'm not sure why. It made the morning/afternoon (plus the last few weeks) much harder than it needed to be.

Tons of carnival coordinating going on. My mind turned to mush. I started to near the edge of the craziness cliff.

Isaac had a piano recital. (Seriously - it HAD to be THIS week? Seriously?) Sarah = not good. Getting closer to the edge.

Went to eat with Daniel (who had come to the recital and was going back to work after). Too much kid time. Cannot even pretend to be cheerful, despite wonderful service at Rumbi's.

We buckle up in car, attempt to send Daniel back to work, but I was not functioning. Looking over the edge of cliff. Thinking about jumping.

Daniel changes plans - takes kids home. I cry.

Go grocery (and quick clearance) shopping at SuperTarget conveniently located across the street from eatery. Start stepping away from cliff.

Find good deals. :)

Talk to the Target employee who's ringing up my items. Tell her I'm going crazy. Find out she is single and has three kids too. 1 year, 3 years, and a 7 year old with Cerebral Palsy. She took the job a Target to have some time away. Start putting things in perspective.

Get library problems taken care of that I thought might never be at this point. Breathing again.

Arrive home to find all children in bed. Saved from the fall.

Thank you, thank you, thank you Daniel for saving me today. I love you so much.

A Memory

While I don't have the best memory, there are a few things I will never forget.

As I was just in my bathroom, I saw a very small baby spider crawling across the floor and it reminded me of:

My bedroom in our Layton house. Many nights I would lay awake on my bed watching for spiders on my celing. There were lots of spiders, usually of the white variety and often babies. I would stand on my bed with a bunched up wad of toilet paper squishing them (and leaving them there - hey, I was a teenager). But I'll never forget one night when there was an adult, we'll call her Mom. I got her - but not the 194 thousand babies on her back. Yep. Got to watch them scatter everywhere. Ick. Ick. Eww.

Now, that's a memory you don't forget. I bet it's happened to some of you too.

Borrowing Kerri's Post

Why write your own stuff when someone said it pretty darn well already?

I'd like you all to read a post by my friend Kerri. It's political. It's thought provoking.

Here it is:

http://kerrisgreenhouse.blogspot.com/2009/09/yes-im-going-there.html

Go read it.

Then tell me what you think.

Goodnight Nobody. Goodnight Mush.

During a PTA meeting this morning, my blood sugar dropped yet again. After I begged for some fruit snacks from the president so I could get myself off of the chair and home, I found myself thinking about just how ridiculous this has become. The president did end up getting me some more substantial snacks and buying me a drink, so then I had the opportunity to divulge what's really going on to her and the Principal. Ah yes, it was oddly embarrassing and enlightening at the same time.

I felt so retarded admitting that I hadn't yet gone to see a doctor and that I even struggle with taking my vitamins in the morning. It's gotten so bad that Daniel literally has to put all of my vitamins on the counter WITH A GLASS OF WATER to inspire me enough to take them.

Why am I doing this? Why am I not taking better care of myself?

I think part of it's denial. I think I should be bigger than this. Mind over matter.

I also don't want to admit how much this is taking over my life.

I know I could control much of it with my diet. I don't have the energy to. I don't care much about food if you don't already know.

Also, sometimes I have good days where I feel normal, but it's probably time to confess that I'm not normal. My energy is low. Affecting my life low.

It seems that it's been worse since this spring, but it may just be that I have finally realized that not everyone feels this way.

To clear this up for you, this is what I know:

I have low iron.
I obviously have some problems with my blood sugar.
I get dizzy A LOT.
I do take iron about every other day (when I can manage).
I don't have a great diet. This is more a sin of omission rather than commission.
I have a MAJOR lack of focus, much of the time.

I called my brother this morning to get his recommended Dr.'s info, but had to leave him a message. It's time, I guess, to go get checked out.

So there you have it. I'm struggling. I know what I need to do, but I have a hard time doing it.



Do you get the title?

Well, That Was Easy

So I guess Sarah is nearly potty-trained. It doesn't seem to matter if she's playing, watching TV, outside, or in a diaper. She goes on her own and just told me to go away. She goes both #1 and #2 without problems. She's waking up most mornings dry. She's figured out that by holding the front of her dress in her mouth, she can avoid it falling into the toilet.

Plus, this has all required very little effort on my part. The only hurdle we have yet to tackle in using public and/or other people's potties, but I'm not complaining. Bless the heavens.

(For those of you that don't know, this is NOT the potty-training scenario I had with the boys.)

My Mind is Mush

I had a fairly stressful day yesterday. Actually it was mostly in the morning. Nevertheless, I've been pretty useless since.

I've stared at the wall today more than I would like to admit. I can't seem to recover and accomplish anything.

I'm overly senstive too. I nearly cried when I was talking on the phone to Daniel about where to take the van to get it's oil changed.

Um, yeah. Maybe I shouldn't volunteer to be in charge of school carnivals.



And I almost cried when I just lost my internet connection and had to retype this all.

My New Ride

Who Are You?

I have been trying to think up some grand post to explain why I took my blog private (very private, only I could see it) for a little while. I can't think of one. I simply felt like not being public for a little while.



I have been made increasingly aware of how many people read my blog from time to time. Church people, childhood people, facebook people, family, extended relatives, next door neighbors, old boyfriends, my husband, online people, best friends, acquaintances, kid's school people, college people, and people I don't know at all. I can name at least one person in each of those catergories. That's a wide audience. It freaks me out a little. (FYI, I don't tailor my words for any of these particular groups, so please don't let anything bother you.)



So, here's what I'm asking...



I don't really care if you comment much, but what I want is to at least KNOW you read my blog. If you are reading this, I ask you to do one of two things.



1. Comment on this post.



and/or



2. Follow my blog.



1. Commenting is not hard. I will open annonymous comments back up for a short time to make it even easier. You can comment annonymously if you don't have a Google account (which you should get anyway), but just make sure you put you name in your comment so I know it's you. That's it.

2. You can easily follow a blog by clicking on "Follow Blog" at the top or go over to the right where I put my followers and do the same. It helps with Google reader anyway. Just do it.

That's all for now. Can't wait to see who you are.

Gotta Shake This Feeling

Dinner is done. The house is fairly clean (at this exact moment - it probably won't be for long). Daniel's staying at work tonight. (Daniel doesn't want people to think that he does nothing but work. He does spend most of Saturdays and Sundays with us, BTW.)

I'm thinking about school starting. I'm finally done with summer this week. We still haven't had many friends to play or done some other things we (I) had planned, but it's time for the kids to go back. Having 3 kids doesn't sound like much until you have them with you ALL day ALL the time. I'm tired.

The house (as I mentioned earlier) has a very hard time staying picked up. Adam has always loved to play with little things and leaves them ALL OVER THE HOUSE, not to mention his socks. I fell asleep on the couch in the afternoon today and woke up to 5 or so varying decks of cards spread out in a 'maze'. Sigh.

The school carnival is only a month away. We have a meeting on Wednesday. I really hope it all goes well and I don't drop the ball somewhere.

The Raingutter Regatta (like the Pinewood Derby, but boats) for Isaac's scouts is coming up. I have the kit, but I just can't wrap my head around having to help him make his boat. The car last year took a long time. BTW, Isaac did just recently earn his Bear. Hooray!

My good friend and neighbor is moving and I have mixed feelings about it. I'm excited for her, but sad about having them leave....and a little jealous. Sometimes I would like to try a new start and move into a lovely new home. (Yes, I do love this house and would be sad about that too.) But secretly, I think I'd enjoy packing up my stuff and unpacking it. (I may be wrong about this; people say it's not fun.) It would just be nice to take a look at what I actually own and determine if it's really worth having.

I had a few minutes of quiet there. It ended abruptly.

$2 Tuesday Insanity

On Tuesday, Lynea and I thought we would brave Thanksgiving Point for their $2 deal. I already knew that it would be crazy (since everyone I talked to seemed to be going), but I didn't realize HOW crazy. The lines for the Dinosaur Museum and Farm country were SOOOOO long.

The gardens turned out to be very doable and it was a beautiful day. I don't recall going at this time in the summer before. It was so pretty...and it only took us 15-20 min to get back onto the freeway!

A Time To Help

A great family in my ward is in need of help. They are holding a fundraiser this Friday. Here's some info I got from a relative's wesbsite:

Doug Burton, 35, father of Anya and Isaac is in desperate need of a kidney and pancreas transplant. Struggling with juvenile diabetes since his youth, Doug is now on dialysis. Please join us in helping Doug be restored back to health with this vital surgery. Doug has worked for years in the family business, Burton Auto, helping his dad and grandad in their West Jordan shop. A few years ago he was able to get a job, in the printing department of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The health insurance from this blessed job, will pay most of the bills. Now unable to work, we ask that you please lend a hand in helping us raise his portion of the surgical costs. Friday, August 14, 2009, come join the festivities at Pioneer Hall 1137 West 7800 South in West Jordan, Utah, with an all day boutique and silent auction.

Prince & Princess Party 2-4pm for children, which includes meeting a favorite princess, fairy godmother, games & royal treats. $5

Western Party with the Deloy Allred Country Band is $20 per couple, 7-9pm which includes program, dancing & goodies. Purchase tickets for either event at either Burton Automotive (7709 S Redwood Road), or Macey's Grocery (7589 S 3200 W) in West Jordan.

If you are unable to make it to either event, but want to help out; donations can be made to any Mountain America Credit Union.

I really hope this is successful for them. They are good people with good hearts that have already had enough heartache. Please consider attending or donating.

So Few Layers

I just started another blog for any of my friends that might be interested in doing some Girl's Night Outs. Consider yourself invited:

http://r3women.blogspot.com/

Bump on a Wheel

Sometimes in my happy little life I forget something about myself. Little things can eat me up. (Let alone the big things.)

I remember hearing an analogy (quite a few times for some strange reason) when I was younger about how men are compartmentalizers - they divide their thoughts/emotions/lives into little compartments and can put something in one and not worry about it until they visit it again. But women are like a big wheel that keeps turning. (Cannot remember the general term they used for it.) They put stuff on the edge of their wheel and as their wheel rolls along, they keep going over the same bump, over and over -- having a difficult time "putting things away".

This analogy used to bother me a little. I like the idea of compartment living (plus I love 'compartments' and organizing) and thought I was bigger than the 'bump on a wheel' theory.

I am not. I am SO not.

Give me a little piece of something and I'll stick it on my wheel and roll over it till I beat it to death. Okay, that's a little bit of an exaggeration - I just keep rolling over it until I forget about it. My poor memory is what makes it so easy to move on (of course, AFTER I forget) - probably the only reason I like forgeting things. :)



P.S. For those of you not on facebook, here's my latest status update:
After using non-acetone remover, WINDEX, and lots of elbow grease the pink fingernail polish Sarah spilled on my white carpet stairs is nearly gone...but my house smells strongly of chemicals...and Scentsy.

Summer Too Short

The beginning of school is coming with a vengance. 2 1/2 weeks. I'm not ready.

(I think it may be worse this year because of my agreeing to be in charge of the school carnival in September. Um yeah, maybe it has something to do with that.)

I'm not ready for the heavy mantel of responsibility that comes with having kids in school. I'm not ready for them to have so much less time to accomplish so much more.

I don't mind having my kids home too much. I actually like it most of the time. (Except for right now when I keep getting interupted even when Sarah's asleep.) It's been a good busy summer, even though we haven't really played with friends much yet.

But mostly, I think I've made driving to school seem like a bigger deal than it probably is. No one else seems to hate it as much as me. (I think Sarah's naps play into this. I HATE HATE HATE to wake a sleeping child.) I also don't like to drive much. Perhaps it has to do some with my intense motion sickness or the fact that I don't see lots of car time as a great way to spend my/our day. It seems that we drive everywhere, all the time.

We (Daniel and I) just decided not to offer playing fall soccer to the boys because there's already too much on our calendar. Plus, the idea of shuttling both of them back and forth to practices and games (in addition to school, piano, scouts...) makes me sick to my stomach.

Bigger deal than it needs to be, right?

Because I Need to Spout Random Stuff to Make Myself Feel Better

I haven't been blogging as much because I've been made increasingly aware of how many people could potentially/do read the stupid stuff I put here. Today I felt the first flames of desire to take my blog private and not allow ANYONE to read it, so I could just vent and not have to worry about the ramifications. Um, I guess that's what a journal's for.

Anyhow, I have nothing to say, because I can't say it here really. So there.

But I wonder sometimes why things happen the way they do? Why do we have to learn patience? Why can friendships be so hard? Why can't things stay the same? Why can't things change and we (I) can have a little excitment? Why?

Joy is in the journey. Joy is in the journey. No Malisa, you would not be happier if...

Gonna go have myself a good cry.

P.S. Daniel works a lot.