Forward Progress?

I should have pictures of this, but I don't.

In the 45 min. Daniel and I were at choir practice this morning the kids built a fort. Not just any fort...a gigantic fort...or as Isaac declared "The biggest fort anyone ever built." They were excited about it so they couldn't fully understand why I wasn't. There was much complaining when I said it would need to be cleaned up by the end of the night.

The evening wore on and one child felt sick and could not help with clean up. Oh, and what a clean up it was! Once the 15 or so blankets came down we realized they had used things from every corner of the house. I was not happy.

Somedays as a mom it seems like I take one step forward and two steps back.

Anxiety and a Busy Week

I was just looking back through pictures and realized how full this week has been.

Visiting friend and projects.

Utah State Fair.

Piano recital for both boys. (Adam's first.)

Grant Elementary Carnival. (Fun, but I'm still feeling phantom stress.)





Marisa's (my niece) birthday party. Always amazing.




Not shown in pictures are many other things that made this one crazy week.


So as I sit here tonight, I've been thinking about what's on my plate for the coming weeks.



For church alone, I have some things for an upcoming Super Saturday to accomplish, a lesson I just got asked to teach that I haven't looked at, choir in the morning, AND something looming yet undefined that I'll mention later.



This next week there is a new playgroup for Sarah, a birthday party, my first time of volunteering in Adam's classroom, a pottery class for Adam, choir (the little one I joined, a big time commitment in my life right now), a mandatory 2-hr church meeting, the CIRCUS (yay), the school jog-a-thon, RS broadcast, a boy's room in desperate need of progress, and more!





Tonight my table looks like this as I scratch my head trying to narrow down the Super Saturday choices:




And my desk looks like this:

Messy. Full calendar. Yuck!

It's times like these that I wonder if I don't deal with stress correctly.

Isaac's room remodel I

I have tried so hard to fix the formatting on this post. I realized my frustrations with blogger are a big part of the reason I don't post much. Anyhow, the captions don't line up with the correct pictures. See if you can figure it out...


The room that was best for Isaac in this house happens to have been previously done in a "cowboy" theme. Fine for a young boy, but not for one about to turn 11. I have decided to focus on Isaac's room since his birthday is fast approaching.

After much deliberating, I decided to take down both the paneling and the molding. It was not paintable and not quite something I could work with.


Here are two pictures from before we moved in:

Clean always looks better than dirty, so here's a few pictures from the first few weeks in the house:

Isaac had his dresser already, so we got him a bedframe to match and used the old guest room mattreses.

Everything coming down. Lots and lots of repair work to follow.

Our New Kitchen Table

So I been thinking about blogging, every day, many times a day. I have SO many things to blog about. However, by the time night rolls around...I'm tired and worn out.

I promised myself I would post something tonight. It's almost midnight.

You see, I have this dream of posting all of my projects on here. I LOVE to see others projects and would like to keep tabs on my own. And boy have I begun projects....

But tonight, you just get a picture of our new table. That yellowish table just had to go (downstairs).


So here's before:



















And after:

The new table is awesome. I'm so happy with the choice.

First Day of School

Sarah started last week...

























....and is in heaven.



The boys started on Monday. (Yes, I see the pole in Adam's head.)


















It's a big school. It's different. It's going to be just great, but it's hard to be new. The kids are working on making friends. I asked Isaac what it was like to go to a new school and he said "It's just like going to preschool, but everyone else already knows each other."






On another note, I don't like living in a disorganized messy house; it contributes to me being discouraged. When I'm discouraged, I don't have the motivation to organize and clean. When I don't have motivation, nothing progresses much and I feel overwhelmed. When I feel utterly overwhelmed I have one of my bi-annual breakdowns. And that breakdown was tonight. Awesome.

Glum

So I think I'm....(just a moment while I check a thesaurus and look up a milder version of the word depressed - or at least a less used one)....discouraged, drained, debilitated, sad, weary, melancholy, in the blue funk, and glum. I would like to be cheery, encouraged, excited, and happy. Sure I've had good days, but I've noticed that the general pattern is trending down.

I KNOW there is LOTS to be happy about, but in my twisted way of thinking I'm finding myself focusing on smaller bothersome things rather than the big picture. I'm finding it tricky to navigate all of the relationships in my life, both old and new. I'm having lots of days left up to my discretion which opens the door for my ineffectiveness and lack of motivation.

I know that I am still mourning the loss of my old life and home. It's so hard for me to go back there and see the house that the new owner is making changes to or to talk to people that still run in those circles. I've considered that there may be some things that would be easier about moving far away and not having the chance to go back. I did need to go into the old school this week to get my hands on a report card that hadn't made it to me. But after? I sat in the car and cried. That is something that's hard for me to leave.

I know there is joy ahead of us here and I would make the same decision again. I'm excited about so many things and I have met loads of wonderful people, but transition is hard.
I imagine it will just take time.

Ugh. Blogger.

So my title is missing for a time. I can work around blogger's annoying tendencies when I have more peace, quiet, patience, motivation, and blog love.

Is anyone out there? Well, I take that back. I know you are. I look at my blog traffic on occasion, but it's so creepy to know that people look and never comment. I feel waaay more inspired to post if I feel like anyone is really interested in seeing it. I haven't even put pics up of my house yet! I have little idea of who reads this. Actually, I take that back too. I went to a baby shower in the old neighborhood last week and had a few people comment on my last post (the morning following when I put it up late at night). It was weird because I didn't realize they were looking. I don't mind much since my blog is public, but man I love comments.

Okay, so it's LATE at night and I've had a good (could have been fantastic if the kids had been a bit better behaved) but long day. I'm a little loopy and tired of trying to figure out what to do about my blog. Probably not the best time to put up a post. I'm really not needy, just busy so I have to decide where to put my time - blog or house? :)

On another note, do you know I'm really falling in love my new house? Like really? Yep. More each day. This week I feel a *bit* more settled.

Oh, also, Lynea made a surprise visit from Seattle this week. So unexpected and fun. I'm sure I've forgotten some things I was supposed to do or phone calls I was supposed to return and stuff like that, but it was worth it.

Serendipity

ser·en·dip·i·ty n. pl. ser·en·dip·i·ties
1. Making fortunate discoveries by accident.

In the spring of each year of our marraige we've had pictures taken. I've had a terrible time as of late making appointments and spending money so spring had come and gone. Yet I was determined not to let a year go.


Some friends from the old neighborhood had their pictures done at a new place called FotoFly right here in Draper, then I saw the ads and then I found out that my new neighbors personally know the people who are starting the business. Last night I finally got to it and called to make my appointment (for today). While I was doing that the girl I was speaking to (who happens to be the owners wife and didn't even know I was personally interested in photography) mentioned that there was a workshop for free at the studio in about an hour. I got to go to the workshop and have a great night where the owner filled in a lot of gaps in my knowledge. I felt very fortunate to have stumbled upon it.


Today we went to the same place for family pictures and aside from my children that I could have strangled, the experience was one of the best photo shoots we've had. Everyone was very patient and understanding.


Honestly though, I can't get over how well designed the studio is. They've used every inch of that small space so well. I found myself wishing I could have been the creative genius behind it. Who would have thought to paint the exit door in grafitti? Seriously it's worth going there just to see the space.


Anyhow, taking into consideration the children who were uncoorperative, we got some shots I've very happy with. (Tonight I'm having a hard time getting many of them posted tonight though, so I'll try again with more of them when I'm not so worn down.)


Here are a few...

FotoFly charges $79 for a disc with your images. Prints are $4 if you want to print them there. I left with my disc and photos in hand. I think it's a brilliant business idea and hope they do really well.

P.S. Above I linked to their website, but this is their blog. That is one cute little boy. It's a little funny that Daniel and I had commented on how cool their bathroom was.

The End

It's final. We have the money. The house is no longer ours and someone else is going to live in it.

We are so so grateful. Grateful that it sold. Grateful for our new home. Grateful for all of the people who have helped us during this time. Thank you.

Progress

There's nothing like a friend calling you and saying they want to come see your house to kick it into high gear. In 1 1/2 hours I managed to accomplish way more than all of yesterday combined. Here is a pic of the progress:





















Did you see that? Yep, that's countertop there. Want a closer picture?





















It amazing what a clean(er) kitchen can do for you. (Don't mind the rugs - we're trying to get used to the wood and not getting it too wet while at the same time trying to encourage the boys to load the dishwasher.) Oh, and don't you think I need a new garbage can?!!



P.S. Make that 7 times for Sarah.

And Here We Are

If these photos don't evoke any emotion, it could be that you've never moved.

Our kitchen of days past. Empty and ready for someone else.

Our new kitchen in its current state. Only one word suffices:

Overwhelming.

I've been waiting for this moment when I could finally write about this journey. But blogging about it takes time, a computer, the internet, and energy. Now I'm just lacking the last, but I'm going to push through it anyway.

Saturday. There was so much work leading up to this day and the big move went as well as I could have hoped. We are so grateful for everyone that helped. Asking people to come to your home and do serious hard labor for a long time is not fun, so we were incredibly thankful for everyone who gave up time in their day to help us! By about 4pm we had everything moved over and a place to sleep. Then I went into a coma for the rest of the day.

Sunday. What to say about Sunday? I felt displaced, yet hopeful. I woke up early, restless and then spent much of the morning trying to locate what we'd need for our new 1pm church. (Never have I been more grateful for a late time.) The kids did not help the situation much which plenty of drama and crying. We went to church. There were a lot of kids. 140 or so in the primary we found out. I was anxious. Lots of people I didn't know. Luckily we'd already met a few neighbors which helped, yet this is the first time in a long time that I've been the new one. But overall it was just fine and there are lots of nice people to get to know. In the evening we went to Kaitlyn's birthday party and then stopped by the old house. There is nothing like the comfort you find at home and I definitely needed comfort, but it wasn't quite my home anymore. So I promptly had a good hard cry in the back yard where the kids couldn't hear me.

Monday. While I think Michelle is awesome and I'm glad for the opportunity for my son to go to Webelos camp, I would not recommend it being the first weekday after a move. At 7:45am. In another city. And having to attend yourself. And have all the kids ready. Including swimming suits, packed lunches, scout gear, and sunscreen. Only running 15 min late, we made it and had lots of good experiences throughout the day, except for the times when the child who had held it together better than anyone all weekend melted down. The evening wasn't much better.

Tuesday: Second day of Webelos camp. I didn't have to go but instead got to have fun cleaning the old house..for 7 hours...and I didn't finish. I described the task on the phone to Daniel by comparing in to having teeth pulled. Necessary, but terribly unpleasant. (Thank you to Lora for one of the best vacuuming jobs I've seen.) I ended the time at the old house with a monumental fit of my own when I got upset at the child who after playing ALL day complained about having to roll the two garbages into the backyard. The night however, redeemed the whole day when I got to go out for some fun with women from my new ward.

Wednesday: Closing day? We drove out to West Valley and signed the closing papers on the old house. Just as we were about to leave the building however, our realtor got a call saying that there was a problem with the loan of our buyer and he had to switch loans (at the very, very last minute) and at best closing would be delayed until Monday. We had to wait while another addendum (13?) was crafted. After much of the day had passed we returned to the old house and I go to finish the cleaning! Ugh. I did complete every last little bit though and hope this whole process is wrapped up soon.

Today: Remembered piano lessons were this morning and didn't feel up to taking Isaac and having to have Adam and Sarah with me. Instead I had Isaac babysit and took Adam. His first official day and he did awesome. Very awesome. Sadly that was the best part of the day. I've spent the rest of it stressed, confused, overwhelmed and discouraged. But I did get my computer and internet back, so that's worth something.

So what above might not tell you is this:

This has been a crazy emotional week that has continually pushed my past my exhaustion point and my ability to manage in a sane, normal way.

The kids are happy about the change, but their behaviour has been far less than ideal.

Speaking of which, Sarah has peed (outside of the potty) 6 times in the last week. This is the girl who potty-trained like a pro and has more body control that any other kids I know. Stress will do that to you I guess.

I have not peed outside of the potty. Maybe I am doing okay after all.

So far I don't miss the old house quite as much as I thought I would. (Probably because I thought I'd never recover from the loss of it.) It's sad (and I already miss the people), but I'm handling it decently.

This new house is AWESOME. I'm in love. The space, the wood, the location, the neighbors.

Did I mention the neighbors? I could write a whole blog post about them. We are so lucky to be right were we are. There are the best people in this little area. I also met lots of other women in the ward boundaries and I think it's going to work out just great here.

Draper is gorgeous. Really. The mountains are so close here.

The unpacking and settling in might take me a year, but so be it. We have many little things to address (and so many big ones, like the back yard), but we will make it to a new normal here soon,

right?

Here We Go!

Isaac is sick (as in throwing up). Sarah peed on my stairs (?!). I feel mediocre at best. My guests and other family just left yesterday afternoon. The new house still needs cleaning. We are crippled by our need for boxes. The big move is in just three days.

We willing be loading the truck starting at 10:00am this Saturday morning. (Everyone is welcome and encouraged to come. Treats will be provided.) Wish us luck!

4am

I lie awake watching the fan go 'round willing the night to quiet itself as my thoughts tumble over each other. I look at my husband sleeping beside me, the dear man that loves me. I think of my children dreaming in their beds...healthy, happy, safe. And we are not alone. My brother closest in age, his wife and child sleep here under our roof tonight. I am overcome as I think of this abundance in my life, the richness which surrounds me.

All of my brothers and sisters are near for the wedding. All of my parents and nieces and nephews too. People who have seen me through life. Ones I love. My heart is full.

The day arrives quickly. Someone comes to inspect and critique and pick at my home too soon. This home that has held my family tightly in its embrace for just more than 10 overflowing years. This home that has been a haven for me and my dearest people. Yet someone wishes to know everything that ever has or hasn't worked, everything and anything that could possibly be broken and it tugs at me. I want to shout out "Love this home!", it offers a place of refuge and comfort. In it you will find some of the greatest joys and perhaps sorrows too, but it will be home. The only one like it. Care for it, love it and it will give back to you.

Does it really have to be this much work?

I want to blog. I really do, but my head seems to be on backwards and there are plenty of other things that need doing.

I'd like to talk about how CRAZY stressful last week was. How on Thursday we closed on the new house, how Friday was Daniel's deadline (years in the coming), and how on Saturday we went under contract on this house.

I'd like to write about all the funny things my kids are doing. Also about the complaining that inevitably comes with summer. I'd like to write about all of our "lasts" here, but that would make me sad.

Yet, I just realized that I should probably not write much about anything and instead get to work. This is a monster of a project...this moving thing. I honestly have been pretending it wasn't going to be, until this evening when I realized the scope of it all. I now feel incapacitated by the sheer amount of work that awaits. Aaaaaaaaaaaaack!

FYI, the inspection is Monday morning at 8:30. It is scheduled for 3.5 hrs. Wish us luck.

Conflict

I read something the other day about the conflicting emotions of moving (and selling in our case). On one hand it's new and exciting and promising. Yet on the other it's sad and scary and unknown. That's how things are around here. A big jumbled bag of emotions.

Bittersweet.




But add to the bag that my dear friend Kerri's brother passed away last week and my heart and head don't know what to feel anymore.