4am

I lie awake watching the fan go 'round willing the night to quiet itself as my thoughts tumble over each other. I look at my husband sleeping beside me, the dear man that loves me. I think of my children dreaming in their beds...healthy, happy, safe. And we are not alone. My brother closest in age, his wife and child sleep here under our roof tonight. I am overcome as I think of this abundance in my life, the richness which surrounds me.

All of my brothers and sisters are near for the wedding. All of my parents and nieces and nephews too. People who have seen me through life. Ones I love. My heart is full.

The day arrives quickly. Someone comes to inspect and critique and pick at my home too soon. This home that has held my family tightly in its embrace for just more than 10 overflowing years. This home that has been a haven for me and my dearest people. Yet someone wishes to know everything that ever has or hasn't worked, everything and anything that could possibly be broken and it tugs at me. I want to shout out "Love this home!", it offers a place of refuge and comfort. In it you will find some of the greatest joys and perhaps sorrows too, but it will be home. The only one like it. Care for it, love it and it will give back to you.

Does it really have to be this much work?

I want to blog. I really do, but my head seems to be on backwards and there are plenty of other things that need doing.

I'd like to talk about how CRAZY stressful last week was. How on Thursday we closed on the new house, how Friday was Daniel's deadline (years in the coming), and how on Saturday we went under contract on this house.

I'd like to write about all the funny things my kids are doing. Also about the complaining that inevitably comes with summer. I'd like to write about all of our "lasts" here, but that would make me sad.

Yet, I just realized that I should probably not write much about anything and instead get to work. This is a monster of a project...this moving thing. I honestly have been pretending it wasn't going to be, until this evening when I realized the scope of it all. I now feel incapacitated by the sheer amount of work that awaits. Aaaaaaaaaaaaack!

FYI, the inspection is Monday morning at 8:30. It is scheduled for 3.5 hrs. Wish us luck.

Conflict

I read something the other day about the conflicting emotions of moving (and selling in our case). On one hand it's new and exciting and promising. Yet on the other it's sad and scary and unknown. That's how things are around here. A big jumbled bag of emotions.

Bittersweet.




But add to the bag that my dear friend Kerri's brother passed away last week and my heart and head don't know what to feel anymore.