I've put this post on the back-burner because I really wanted to include pictures from the past. Well, it looks like that's not going to happen, so I'll just type it up.I have been feeling restless for a while now. I haven't been sure why or even what I want. I think I figured some of it out finally....
Our lives are full of lots of milestones. In mine own, some of the first ones I remember are finally getting to go to
Kindergarten, getting
baptized, and
moving to Layton.
Then each
year of school is an accomplishment.
I remember
junior high and
young women's.
Oh, and
high school,
TURNING 16 (one of the biggest days of my life),
driving and
dating.
And there was
high school graduation and
working to support myself.
Then
college in Logan. I had always planned on college.
THEN I got
married and
graduated from college.
And I
taught junior high math.
Then we
moved to Salt Lake and had our
first child.
We
bought our home.
And we had our
second child.
I remember someone asking in Relief Society (at about this point in my life) if anyone's life had gone according to plan. I don't remember if I raised my hand or not, but I do remember thinking that mine had, more or less. I had done everything I'd planned up to that point. In fact, in eigth grade I wrote a autobiography which included my predictions for my future. It is weird how accurate I was.So anyways, then we started trying to have our
third child- which took a bit longer than we hoped, but eventually we got her. (Note - yes, I sometimes have a hard time with the spacing of my children, but everything works out like it's supposed to - right?)
And then....
...
Up to this point in my life I have had a map in my mind. I've had mileposts along the way, marking the passing of time and telling me when I had arrived at the next destination.
The problem is that I'm not sure what the next one is. Where to now? We are not planning on having more children (which might seem to some like the natural progression with Sarah being 2 1/2). So other than the kids just growing up (and reaching their own milestones), I'm not sure what is ahead for me.
I've been itching for a change of some kind and I think that's why.
Now, don't get me wrong (I am knocking on wood as I write this post), I am VERY GRATEFUL for the blessings in my life and do not wish to lose any of them.
I just wonder what God has in store for me. Have any of you dealt with a stage like this in your life?
Update:
A good point was mentioned in the comments that I had thought about. What about just enjoying watching our kids reach their milestones?
It's true that I find much joy in their accomplishments and plan to do much of my living vicariously through my children. However, I chose a purely selfish perspective for this post. It's a view that has become
apparent to me only recently as I've thought about my life beyond the child-bearing years. Simply (and somewhat vainly) stated, what happens now with ME directly?