Excellence

1. A few mornings ago, Isaac requested I play a song for him. I had just gotten out of bed and dragged myself over to the piano. I attempted to play the song. I really did, but he wasn't too patient with my stumbling fingers. Then I had a horrible thought: "Is Isaac already passing me in skill with only 1 1/2 years of piano lessons?" This thought is most unwelcome when you studied piano for eight years more-or-less. The song had looked easy enough, except for all those darn flats. But luckily, I then noticed that it wasn't one of his books at all. It was a random Yanni book that he just wanted to hear how the song sounded. Phew. At least I wasn't struggling in a second year book. However, it did make me realize the amount I've lost. I haven't played much in the last 8 or so years, mostly due to a child that doesn't have a high level of tolerance for other people making music, but also in part to not really wanting to. And not playing for 8 years can make you lose what you had, which wasn't even that great to begin with.

2. So did you know that I love math? Doing math homework sounds fun to me. It was my major in college and I tutored up through Calculus in the math labs on campus. I was good. Although I've helped people a little over the last 10 years, it's been mostly Algebra and Geometry. Once again I've found that if you don't use something, you can lose it. I've thought a bit about getting a Masters at some point in my future, but I'm not sure I could study mathematics because it would be so difficult to spin-up.

These two areas used to be ways that I defined myself.

3. Last night I was looking at a blog I had already been to a few times. It's a blog of a mom that lives somewhere around here, has 5 sons and 1 daughter (the youngest), and takes some of the most amazing photos I've ever seen. Truly. Her photos are AMAZING. The post I'm going to link to here is of the birthday party she threw for her daughter. The party itself is incredible, but to be able to capture it like that baffles me. Plus she can write well. (I warn you not to look at the link if you don't want to see what appears as a charmed life.) There are a few other photographers that I would love to also emulate, but I get discouraged. My photography class is good, but it just helps me to know how much I don't know. (And even when I do learn new things, retaining it is so hard!) I've been frustrated about not being able to get my camera to do what I want it to do. I have a vision. Why can't I just reproduce it?!

All of this got me thinking about the areas that I dabble in. My sister commented that I've always got a ton of projects going at one time and she is right. The fact is: I'm good at a lot of things, but I'm not excellent at anything. The closest I come is probably in doing trim/molding. However, a neighbor of mine was looking to hire a trim carpenter to finish her basement and I wondered for a moment if I could do it. But do you know what it includes? Hanging doors. I don't hang doors and I have no desire to. Oh, and traditional crown molding that sits at 45 degrees? It's hard work and I'm not that great at it. This all makes me realize how many holes there are in my knowledge.

I like painting and drawing, but haven't done much with it lately. I sew a little and would like to sew more, but I don't ever plan on being an exceptional seamstress. I organize, but lose my drive. I cook a little, but nothing fancy. I've run, but I'm s.l.o.w. I sing, but lack training. I have good mothering moments, but the poor ones often outnumber them.


The problem is that I don't want to just be good, but be really good at something. To be, in fact, excellent.

And that makes me wonder.....

Do I have excellence in me?