This describes my mood tonight.
Here is my jumbled set of thoughts. I do not feel like editing this much - it's really mostly for me to sort out what is eating at me. Take it for what it is.
I believe in being responsible as much as you are able.
The issue at hand is teaching my kids to do so. I try to help them manage their lives, but I do not cater to my children.
We have had a fair amout of complaining and feeling overwhelmed (from them).
This morning (in an attempt to fix the growing problem), I made a list of things that the boys had to accomplish today. They could have free time after. (For me, knowing that I have done all of my "to do's" makes my extra time that much sweeter.) I know my boys need that - hence the list.
Some of the things on the list required my help. WHEN I OFFER MY HELP I DO EXPECT YOU TO VALUE IT! - is what I want to yell to my children. The main issue I have is complaining when I am trying to help them get something done that is for their own benefit. Keeping their room clean is for my benefit mostly - reading is for theirs.
The problem comes when I know that certain things need to get done, but that they will not do it on their own. I see my role as more of an assistant that helps them schedule things until they can do it on their own - but if you complain at your assistant they don't want to work very hard for you. It is so frustrating to feel so unappreciated!!
I've realized as an adult how independent my siblings and I were all raised to be. We don't rely on our parents for much at all. We are all self-sufficient. (While I think that having a little more attachment may be good, I'd much rather be on this side. There are far too many people in the world not taking responsibility for themselves.) I've seen parallels in the way I raise my children. I do expect them to think for themselves and manage themselves quite a bit. I am not a parent that hovers.
Two nights ago, at about 7:00pm, I was feeling frustrated from the crying and such and informed the boys that the parenting was over for the night. They took me literally and got in pajamas, brushed teeth and tucked themselves to bed right on time. It took Daniel and I a few minutes to realize what they had done. I was so pleased. It seems if I withdraw myself completely they show that they can do things on their own. I wish that wasn't what it took.
Homework and piano have been getting the better of me. I hate when kids complain or cry- especially when I am going out of my way to help them.
6 comments:
When you find the solution you should write a book. It is a guaranteed best seller. I have recently told them if they whine and cry during a task it is theirs for tomorrow too. They don't like that. My kids do piano, reading and chores in the morning, that way it is not taking up play time and they seem to get it done a lot faster. There is a deadline (school) and then they are free after school. I got this from Stacey and it really works!
You are not alone in your frustrations! This is a very normal problem, and frankly, I don't know anyone who doesn't come across this from time to time. You are an excellent mother; it's evident by your children! They are really good kids with great manners. Hang in there and know you're not alone!
Like Julie said...When you find the solution, please write a book. I would buy it. Sadly we all have those challenges and sometimes it just sucks to be the parent. I hate it when my kids are mad at me, and especially when they don't appreciate what I'm trying to do for them. At our house there are a lot of tears shed (sometimes they actually come from the boys. ha,ha). But I finally realized one day that they know what is expected of them, and if they choose to not do what is expected that they will reap the consequences. We all have our free agency (even kids) and there are consequences to their actions. It didn't take long for them to realize their life is much easier, if they just do what is asked. But occasionally we still have moments of memory loss and we have to relearn what is expected. Hang in there!!! We all know what you're going through and can all sympathize. I too know that you are doing a great job. All you have to do is look at your kids. They are great kids!! and I am grateful that they are my boys friends.
(sorry, I always seem to write a novel, I don't mean too. I guess I'm just very long winded...or long type-ed)
I wish that homework has more visible consequences in the early grades sometimes. If it were up to Adam, reading would not get done. So do I let it go - when my child is learning to read, and leave it up to him? This is where it's tricky. I don't wish to be as involved as I am. The list was, like most of what I do, trial and error. It wasn't my favorite, but kids do have expectations and I'm trying to figure out how to let them know what they are and take myself out of the equation as much as possible.
Sadly, I think as much as you want your kids to be independent (as we all do) Right now they are still just a bit too young to leave them to themselves. Actually with the reading. My 6th grader is still required to do reading time with me. Reading is one of those things that really if you want them to be a good reader, you have to be involved at least all the way through elementary (I'll let you know next year if it even continues longer). But that is one thing, I still have charge of, especially when each of them has to read to me every night.
Post a Comment