(Photo courtesy of Adam - to which he replied, "I'm good at taking pictures.")Life is good. Really good. Great everything. But I'm just happy-ish. It seems that I've been short on gratitude lately and higher on blah-ness. Why? I don't know.
What frustrates me more than anything is that I just don't seem to be able to stay 'up'. It just seems that I'm fighting against my nature when I want to be happy and energetic and kind and productive all of the time.
I've also been walking around with heaps of guilt on my shoulders wondering why I can't live up to more of my potential. I KNOW what I am capable of, but I just can't seem to do it.
How much can we really improve our overall temperaments long term? (I can say that I am definitely less emotional now than I was years ago, but there's also not as much drama as say, when I was a teenager.) It just seems so much easier for a born optimist (ahem....Kerri) to see the cheery side of things and relish the good in life. (Let me mention here that I don't think that means their life is easier by any means, just that they have a greater ability to see the positives.) Me? I'm somewhere in the middle of the 'glass-half-full, glass-half-empty' battle. I want to be more cheerful and optimistic though. How do I focus on the positive?
It is obvious that some things come easier for some people than others. Take my kids for example. They are so different! And they've been that way since birth. One is often just plain grumpy, another is overall pleasant but sinks often, and one in more or less happy (and less emotional). These temperament differences affect almost everything in our/their lives. Expectations have to be different for them, but does God see it that way too?
Does He understand that sometimes, for no real reason, I just don't feel happy?
On another note, I'm suffering in the friend department a bit again - need more time with the girls. I've found that the more Daniel works, the more I need to talk to others to fill the void. Part of the problem is that I tend to be spontaneous and then think that no one would be available or want to do anything. I've got to make a bigger effort to keep the wonderful friends I do have (and actually call and do things with them).
Something that really, really frustrates me is when blogger does not preserve your formatting. Where are all of the paragraphs?? Arrrrgggh. Does anyone have this problem/know how to fix it EASILY. I do know how to edit the html, but I just don't want to deal with the problem in the first place - seems to have something, maybe, to do with photos or with enlarging text?!?
8 comments:
What's crazy is that I've been feeling the same way (about friends). Solution: want to come over for the afternoon? We could send the kids outside to play and we could chat. I'm game!
I feel this way!!! Tons!!! Sometimes you just can't be happy. You want to be, but you can't. And then you know that you can be better and you are capable of great and marvelous things but you don't feel like actually doing it? Been there :)
I know just how you feel. I have been going crazy and now Neal is leaving for 3 weeks (I am thinking of heading to WA for part of it)
Cedric sleeps from 1-3 I am up by 7:30. Even if I am not ready I can be ready in 15 minutes. I may stink but I would still love to hang out and do ANYTHING.
I may have to get prego just to spice things up again :)
I am ALWAYS game for girls time. I feel the same way you do. My husband might be home, but NEVER gives me time away unless I throw a big fit and then I come home to a huge mess, most the time not worth it. We just bought a big blow up waterslide and I think your boys would love my boy, we already know our girls like each other. Come over tomorrow and we can have a big girl chat (and if you want to assemble some meals during BONUS).
MALISA!!! You know I'm spontaneous. I just pull up in your drive-way and we talk for how many hours? OK, that was a while ago, but I would do it again in a heartbeat. I love you cutie, I struggle too as you know. I need girl time too. Let's do something.....Spontaneous!!!!
I hear ya, sistah. Some days are just aargh and just blah and just stinky, even for us optimists... (ha ha)
I hear ya! I wished we lived closer!
i'm in a different situation...at least during the school year. my kids are gone all day, and i have a lot of alone time. but my DH is way busy with med school so i feel lonely a lot too. that's why i loved studio night at shelah's. once school starts in a week, i'm going to start doing a lot more art. i'm inspired and excited. we'll have to have another one where we just get together with a project and work and talk (and eat, of course). that's one way to help me from the doldrums. which i'm prone to. ♥
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