During a PTA meeting this morning, my blood sugar dropped yet again. After I begged for some fruit snacks from the president so I could get myself off of the chair and home, I found myself thinking about just how ridiculous this has become. The president did end up getting me some more substantial snacks and buying me a drink, so then I had the opportunity to divulge what's really going on to her and the Principal. Ah yes, it was oddly embarrassing and enlightening at the same time.
I felt so retarded admitting that I hadn't yet gone to see a doctor and that I even struggle with taking my vitamins in the morning. It's gotten so bad that Daniel literally has to put all of my vitamins on the counter WITH A GLASS OF WATER to inspire me enough to take them.
Why am I doing this? Why am I not taking better care of myself?
I think part of it's denial. I think I should be bigger than this. Mind over matter.
I also don't want to admit how much this is taking over my life.
I know I could control much of it with my diet. I don't have the energy to. I don't care much about food if you don't already know.
Also, sometimes I have good days where I feel normal, but it's probably time to confess that I'm not normal. My energy is low. Affecting my life low.
It seems that it's been worse since this spring, but it may just be that I have finally realized that not everyone feels this way.
To clear this up for you, this is what I know:
I have low iron.
I obviously have some problems with my blood sugar.
I get dizzy A LOT.
I do take iron about every other day (when I can manage).
I don't have a great diet. This is more a sin of omission rather than commission.
I have a MAJOR lack of focus, much of the time.
I called my brother this morning to get his recommended Dr.'s info, but had to leave him a message. It's time, I guess, to go get checked out.
So there you have it. I'm struggling. I know what I need to do, but I have a hard time doing it.
Do you get the title?
7 comments:
Go go go! You can do it, Malisa!!! You'll be SO HAPPY when you've got things figured out. Just do it! Do it! Do it!
There...how was my cheerleading?
Your friends and family care way too much to let you do this to yourself. Get help and let others help you! We love you and just want you to be happy!
Good to hear it. I can't wait to hear the follow-up post saying you love the doctor. :)
Realizing that you don't feel quite "right" is the first step...great job. Now, remember in the midst of all the chaos, you have to take care of yourself in order for the rest of the family to sail smoothly....i am still a work in pogress :)
I hate not feeling well for long periods of time, so I can't imagine how it must have been all these months. Good job on calling a doc - I really hope you are able to find some help and become well. There is nothing better than good health (and happy children)...
i've been there too. last week my DH thought i should try this scrip a doctor had given him a sample of. it's used for shift-work sleep disorders, but has some other side benefits he thought might help me out cause i just was in a rut.
20 minutes after i took the dang thing i started throwing up. and proceeded to do so for the next 7 hours. so rather than perk me up so i could have a "productive" day...i lost an entire day. dh felt way bad, but you don't know till you try.
it's hard to find that internal motivation to make myself do life, eat right, work hard, and enjoy myself a lot. just hard some days. but reading that i'm not the only one makes me feel less freaky. thanks for sharing!
PS: Goodnight moon!
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