Drifting

Not sure if I should post this. I can't figure out what role my blog should play in my life. But sitting at home keeping my thoughts to myself isn't doing me any good. Might as well share them with the world, right?



I've been having a hard time blogging about much of anything. Pictures have been more painful to post since they are mostly still on my old computer and I've cut down one how much time I spend on the computer overall. Then when I do look at other blogs, particularly craft/decor/diy blogs, I think of how (inadequate I am) much time and effort it takes to post like that and so I don't. Things are going on that I could blog about, but I just don't feel like there's any reason to post it. This is much of what's going on in my head. Lack of motivation, ambition, drive, purpose.

I've got lots of theories as to why I've been in this funk...including, but not limited too, lack of sleep, boredom, missing my husband, transitional time of life for me... Tonight it's definitely missing my husband. We're crossing paths a lot these days, at best. He is working such a great amount that I usually can't even go there in my head. Feigning ignorance is often my best tactic.

The kids being a little older has helped me process it some. My sister Leslie's husband has always traveled a lot and I never understood how she managed to stay sane. I realize now that I was seeing it through my young mothering eyes, with days full of diapers and crying. Now things are somewhat easier around here. Still plenty stressful, but easier. The kids are *more* predictable. Mothering is still vital, but not as constant. True be told, it's sad really in many ways (and yet wonderful in others).

I've been floundering spiritually for some time now too. I've had a book of testimonies from the women of my ward sitting on my desk since early December. I had not read any of it. I picked it up tonight and browsed some. One woman quoted a hymn that I helped teach the kids in primary, "How Firm a Foundation":

"Fear not, I am with thee; oh be not dismayed, For I am they God and will still give thee aid. I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand, upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand."

Still?

I sure hope so.

It's amazing that I can be surrounded by a multitude of blessings and yet be lost.

Picture A Day #1-12

As one of my new year goals, I've commited to taking a picture each day and sharing it. This is the first batch. They are ginormous. I'm sorry for that, but I'm not going back to fix it.

I do not claim that they will be artistic or beautiful, but instead maybe interesting. I also reserve the right to borrow a picture from a neighboring day if a whole day actually passed without a picture being taken.

Here they are in large, backwards fashion!

Jan 12, A recent project using scrapbook paper.


Jan 11, Snowman....in the Snow.


Jan 10, Ready for church.

Jan 9, Sarah's kitchen she got for Christmas and the table I mod podged, moved downstairs.

Jan 8, My berry wreath I'm leaving up for Valentine's.


Jan 7, After the first game of church basketball (in which we were crushed).



Jan 6, Cute legs.


Jan 5, Sarah playing.


Jan 4, The view out my front window of my neighbor's roof being torn down.


Jan 3, A poor picture of our job board.


Jan 2, My Cocomotion given to me by Daniel for Christmas. Yummy.


Jan 1, Cleaning up Christmas.

Sarah's 3rd Birthday - a Very Late Post

I can't believe she's three. I keep wishing I could hold back time. I don't want to lose this time with her, my only girl and my last. How happy I am that she's a part of our family.

Sarah's friend party...







Disney Princesses on Ice the night of her birthday...

Friends at the Gale Center on her birthday...


The dollhouse, her main present...


Jungle Jim's with the Bowens (there should be a pic of the Bowens here, but I didn't seem to upload it)






Grandma Bowen and Sarah...





A princess cake...


Curly hair for her celebration...


Cake and Ice Cream with my family...


= one loved little girl. Happy (super-belated) Birthday Sarah!

Donations

Life has been going full tilt for a while now. My blog has been one of the innocent bystanders. Sorry to all two of you who might have been bothered by that!


Moving on...




I was so humbled by the amount of support and concern shown by so many friends, family, and neighbors when we decided to collect donations for my neighbor whose home was damaged in the fire. Jaylynn (next door to me) and I were able to take the combined donations to him on Saturday, Dec. 19th. I took pictures of most of the items and money, but forgot to take one when is was all wrapped up!

Total donated was (estimated) over $650. $425 was cash (much of this was from checks made out to me), $120 in visible gift cards. A handful of sealed cards and lots of food and supplies.

Thank you so, so much to everyone who shared what you had with him. He was so grateful!

Just so you know, the house was not *quite* a complete loss. They are redoing just about everything though. Every piece of sheetrock has been removed. They will run tests on the wood framing to see how much frozen water remains in it. The siding, brick, and roof will all be replaced. It needs new cupboards, granite, subfloor...everything. Rebuild will take approximately 6 months and then he will live there again. He was looking at the bright side when we spoke to him and thinking about all of the improvements he can make. :)

The Fire on My Street - A Call for Donations

If you are not already aware of this, sadly, a house on our street went up in flames last Friday night. Above are a few pictures we took from our house. (Most of the damage is actually on the back of the home.)

The owner, Roger, was devastated and lost so many things. Many people have requested that we take up a collection for him. So...

We will be collecting donations for Roger through Sunday, December 13th.

*If you would like to contribute, please bring any donations to me by this Sunday. Please contact me if you have any questions or if you need more time. There will also be a group card at my house that you can sign if you would like to express sympathy for his loss.

*If you would like to donate some items you think he would need that are new, it might be good to attach a gift receipt it case he wishes to return it.

*You may donate things that you already own that you think he could use.

*We will also be collecting money and/or gift cards to be given directly to him. We may put money towards Target or Lowe's gift cards.

*Checks can be made out to me (and the money will be combined with other donations), or you can write a check directly to Roger and it will be delivered along with the rest of the items.

Losing your home is a terrible thing to have happen at any time, but it is especially heartbreaking at Christmastime. Hopefully we can rally together and help bring Roger some unexpected joy this season! Thank you so much!

(Leave a comment or email me at malisa5@bowensite.com if you need more info, such as where I live, my phone number, Roger's phone number and full name, etc.)

Here's one of the clips that our security cameras picked up. (It will take a minute to load.) I didn't see this part; it's before the fire engines arrive.

Video Clip

A Boring Post

This is an incredibly boring post. It was what was in my head or nothing!



I know I haven't been blogging much. I've still in the middle of a computer transition. I don't have my pictures on the new machine yet.

Sunday was the primary program. It went well and I'm so happy to have it done. The rest of church that followed was incredibly tiring. I think it's going to be a few days before I feel recovered from the two...just in time for the boys to be home from school!

My house feels like a disaster zone as I write this. It's in need of some deep organizing and cleaning again. The kid's school is doing a book drive and I've been sorting through all that we own (too many). It looks as though I will be parting with 150+ books. While it's counts as organizing, right now it's just making things messier.

Sarah has gone from begging everyday for friends to complaining about them. What is up with my daughter? Just as soon as I get things figured out, she mixes it up.

I'm tired today. The old type of tired. I started the morning cheerful, but fatigue set in at precisely 11:00am. I don't like it.



There. Now I feel a little better. Time to go get some stuff done.

I Wish

The gospel of Christ is a gospel of progression. What would be the point if we didn't believe we could ever be better than what we are now?

But I tell you, sometimes I think I'll never improve, never overcome my inadequacies, never truly move forward. I wish I would stop preventing myself from being what I really could be.

I wish I could always show those around me how dear they are to me.

I wish I never let a ball drop.

I wish I was always a patient mom. I have so many good ideas, but rarely carry them out. If I do, I'm not consistent.

I wish my house was always (ever) clean.

I wish my emotions were less rollercoastery.

I wish I was always a thoughtful wife.

I wish I always met people's expectations.

I wish I was always a good friend. Sometimes, I just suck (and my heart aches).

I wish everyone understood me.

I wish I were more humble, more spiritual.

I wish I had a life coach.

I wish I could be happy all the time.

I wish I was more charitable.

I wish I was more grateful for my blessings.

I wish I didn't feel guilt.

I wish I was enough.

I wish I was perfect.



Here's some quotes I came across while cleaning my desk today:

"You can do anything - but not everything."

"My house is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy."

"Your net usable faith is what is left after subtracting your doubt and disbelief."


I'm up to my nose in blessings, with only a few trials to balance it out. Is life still hard? You betcha.


P.S. I wish I remember to spell check before I initialalially posted.

I Went Back

It's been nearly 4 years. FOUR years. (Think pre-Sarah.)

I used to go most M/W/F's for 3 years. And then I stopped.

But today I went back to Allison's aerobics class as Gene Fullmer's. In some ways it was as if I'd never left. It was awesome. And hard.

The verdict is still out as to whether I can commit to going regularly, but for today it was good. And hard.

Attitude Changing Grattitude

Never before have I loved all of my children more than I have this week. It feels as though my eyes have been opened to the blessing that they truly are. This is the way I always hope to feel, but often fall short. It it not that they have been angels or that some grand thing has helped me see things differently. It's just a gift from God that I so desperately needed at this time.

Also, my energy has been good from the day I went to the doctor. It seems that this may be the result of a simple prayer.

Perhaps the Lord is aware of me after all.

Multiplication Slap-Jack

I stumbled across this version of "multiplication slap-jack". Sounds fun AND educational. I'd like to think I would rock at it too. I have my times-tables down! Anyone want to challenge me??!?! Bwahahahaha.

http://www.oneshetwoshe.com/2009/10/making-math-fun-she-rachel.html

I am so going to play this with Isaac. He is a surprisingly formidable foe.

Photobucket and My Niece

I'm trying to post pics from photobucket. I can't go the slow way through Blogger ANYMORE! However, these were huge, so now they're just thumbnails. I'll work on that later.

I have plans to take a photography class in the future. I know I have lots to learn. I've been having focusing problems with my camera, but I think I may have figured out why AFTER our little photo shoot. Keep in mind that these pictures have zero editing - they haven't even been cropped. My neice is beautiful, don't you think? (We were on our way to IKEA, so I got to use the same wall that is in our family photos.)

Dance Class

Pin Me Down

If you can come tomorrow night, meet at my house around 6:30. We'll probably just do dinner. Perhaps the Olive Garden.

The Birthday

I'm toying with the idea of canceling my birthday plans. 50% of people have something going on. 25% have random reasons. I feel guilty about the last 25% whom it seems to be inconvenient for but would join me anyway.

I had decided on the corn maze in West Jordan, with dinner at some sort of casual dining place before at 6:30, which I estimated would put us at the corn maze by 7:30ish. Don't know which way to go right now.

What I would really like for my birthday is some nice uplifting comments. I'm in need of some major support right now thank you very much. I'm feeling a bit hacked down by everything.

My Birthday's Coming and Don't You Forget It!

Everyone knows I love my birthday. To celebrate, I'm going to a corn maze and would like everyone (read girl's only) to join me this Friday night. Details will follow. I believe they will include dinner plans too.

Find someone to watch the kids (if you have any) and come play. That means you!