I meant to post these pictures of our lovely watercolor artwork the afternoon we made them - two days ago I think. Are we not AMAZING artists?
I do not show this to you so that you think I do lots of creative stuff with my kids; I show it to you because I was trying so hard to be a good mom, to stay calm, to help everyone feel happy by doing something fun, and it DIDN'T WORK! Some day my kids are just grumpy...all three of them! I can survive for a while with grumpiness, but eventually it sucks me in. After bedtime I ran away to a friend's home on the verge of tears and tried to forget about the evening.
So here's where I ask for advice (Keep in mind that I don't do this often, so if you've always wanted to tell me how I can do better, now's you chance!) : What do you do when your kids come home from school? What is your routine? How do you help your children unwind from the day, but still accomplish what they need (i.e. homework, piano practicing, reading)? How do you turn a grumpy child into a happy child? Can it be done? Is more structure or less better? Do you let them watch TV?
Please answer one or all of these questions (even if you don't have school-aged children - I'm sure your ideas have got to be better than mine). Things here need to improve. This is my hardest time of day. Daniel doesn't get home until 6:30 (at the earliest). I could have had a great day, but those few hours in the afternoon can change all that. What do I do??
P.S. Note the picture I made. It says "Merry Christmas, SOCKS ONLY!!!!"
7 comments:
Oh, I LOVE giving advice. How fun!
Just kidding.
We allow 15-20 minutes to decompress, have a snack, whatever. It usually stretches to 30 minutes. Or an hour. Or until I start screaming, "START YOUR WORK NOW OR YOU'RE GROUNDED!!!!"
Some kids have happier days than others. I tell them they don't have to be happy to do their work. They just have to DO their work.
Argh. I hate the after school blues. Sometimes it works out so that everything goes smoothly, but most of the time I just think we do the best we can.
This year I am so proud of myself. After 6 years of elementary school and now 4 kids in full time school, I have finally figured out how to make the days better. This is working so far (knock on wood) but it really seems to work for all.
First, I went and bought a file folder for each child and a "folder holder" that sits on my kitchen counter. Each child's weekly homework packet, (and anything else I need to remember for their class.
We start our day a little bit earlier than we used to. 7am all of them are up. We have magnets on our refrigerator one with each kids name, plus one with each "chore" they need to do stuck underneath their name. Every night before I go to bed I assign them their chores, but they have certain ones that they know they will do every day. Piano practicing is included in their chores that need to be done before school. As well as, brushing teeth, making beds etc. Some of them have also figured out that if they finish all of their morning chores and they still have time, if they get their daily homework done before school they wont have to do it after (only a couple of them have realized the value of this). Then we are off to school. If they don't accomplish all of their chores, they know that there is no fun after school, and they will be assigned more unpleasant chores for later in the day. So they are VERY sure to get everything dong.
Then after school, they have 15 minutes to get an after school snack and get up to the table to finish any homework that wasn't done that morning. The TV doesn't come on until everyone has completed that. Then, once they are finished, I will let them do what ever they want (even watch tv or play video games) until dinner, which is usually around 5:30 so it usually gives them an hour to an hour and a half.
But the TV etc goes off at dinner and after dinner we start reading time, and usually read for 45-60 min each night. If things go well, we will watch a movie together, or just play until bedtime.
They really haven't seemed to notice that they only play for an hour or so every night, (especially since it gets dark so early) and things are so much calmer in our house this year. Considering that I am now dealing with 4 school age boys, I had to figure out something, and structure had to take over.
Sorry that this is so long, but you asked!!:)
Good luck!
Sorry, I was obviously thinking faster than I was typing and a few typo's crept in.
As for finishing that unfinished thought.
Their homework for the week and all of their notes etc. go in their folder so I can review it in a glance every night. This has helped me tremendously also, because as of yet, I have not forgotten to send anyone's homework back on friday, and missed sending anything else that has been required, at least none that I know of. :)
I love what Stacie wrote. We'll have to figure out how to get the sleeping thing down so it can work in the mornings.
As you know, since we talked a bit about this, I don't really have anything/ideas to offer you aside from asking you lots of questions and brainstorming.
The only real thing I have to offer is to make it a matter of prayer. I've recently had some very specific answers to prayers. I haven't talked to you about this because we don't seem to have a lot of time (especially semi-private time) but I'm REALLY struggling right now. Seeing those answers to my prayers has been the only thing that has kept me hanging on to that tiny thread I'm grasping... :(
By the way. I so love your blog. I check it so often because I'm in a place where I need to feel a connection to another human. I have been able to find that connection through your blog. I'm so glad you maintain it, even if the other turkeys out there don't leave you comments. :)
I'd love to give you all kinds of advice, but I'm far more likely to be asking if from you. So, I'll just drop a quick note to let you know that I'm reading.
I always feel like we can choose how we feel and it is a good idea to teach children at a young age that they have control over their emotions. In other words, I never accept the old, "you made me mad!" No one can make us feel anything.
So my solution to grumpiness - when my kids start to act grumpy (as Lily does every morning), I tell them that they need to chipper up really soon or else they are going back to bed. Because clearly when you are grumpy then you must be tired. I do this throughout the day if Mr Grumpy comes around. Obviously for morning grumpiness this isn't an option because Lily needs to get off to school, but I figure her getting to school will cure that (and it always does).
My aunt is a biologist and she and I have talked about the after school grumpiness. She says it is mostly contributed to low blood suger, so she gives her kids a snack (like PB on a spoon, some cheese, etc) RIGHT when they get home from school. Then she gives them a few minutes of down-time with the expectation that after a designated period of time (you decide how long the down time is) the mom will start to be the boss again. With my kids I tell them that when the grumpiness starts then they are going to bed. If they love that idea and don't get homeowork, chores, etc. done then there will be consequences (bad grades, messy room, mad mother...).
Basically the bottom line is that they can choose to be happy or grumpy and they will like life a lot more if they choose to be happy. Plus no one wants to spend their life in bed.
PS I will tell you that this works best for my girls - if I put Gracie in her crib and tell her she can only come out when she decides to be happy she seems to understand perfectly. Adam usually just needs some positive one-on-one time with me for him snap out of anything. And usually for Lily all she really needed was some time alone and going and laying on her bed is the perfect way for her to get that.
GOOD LUCK!!!
I've been a bad sister and friend! I am just now catching up on your blog. I have no advice as I'm struggling w/ the same thing! I really liked what Stacie wrote. I would love to have a schedule to count on. I don't feel well enough emotionally and physically to implement anything though. I just seem to not care and that makes me turn into a mean mommy. Help! Maybe when I get around to reading my scriptures and praying then I will finally find strength.
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